Raw/ECW/SmackDown February-15/16/19 ~Why so serious?~

NOTE: Due to computer-problems, I could not proofread this piece of art at all and since I wrote it in constant delirium *lol* (<- cold!), there might be MANY mistakes, typos and whatnot. Sorry, but you’ll live I’m sure…

I have a cold! And much like a man, I hate having colds and like crying about it *lol*
I broke my foot in an accident as a Teenager, had surgeries – all that can not impress me, but “Lord” have mercy if I have a little cold.
Ok, I might be exaggerating a little, but really, not being able to breath right bothers me.
Why I am sharing all this useless information with you? Well, it’s like this: I was pretty unsatisfied with WWE this week. It wasnt all horrible, but still *meh*
So I already knew I would probably rant a lot! Now, after my car broke down and I am having a cold, it COULD be that I will rant even more

Just a fair warning *ha*
Also, please note that I am in full profanity-using-mode this week, just for the hell of it and because I am having fun
And NO, I do not always talk like that and I do not always write like that, but today, I fucking feel like it, so deal or leave *lol* Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out <- Just kidding, relax, I love everybody who takes the time to read the crap I am writing…serisouly!   

RAW was unbelievably lame! On twitter I wrote something like this: “It wasnt all horrible/hideous/awful, but it sure wasn’t great/amazing/awesome either. Just simply BAD!”
See, some things are so horrible, you can make them interesting later by bitching about them ( a lot), but this was so unsensational, you cant’ even make fun of it properly.   

First we get to see what will happen tonight (Bret will address .. well, all of us I guess), the usual PPV-hyping and such, and then, the camera shows us a picture from outside the arena, which inspired Jerry Lawler to say the following: “…and right now you’re looking live…well that’s the parking lot” <- Really Jerry? REALLY? Who would’ve guessed *ugh*ha*   

Apparently Batista will arrive later – Joy the motherfucking world!   

Shockingly, RAW started with an actual match, just like SD did last week. As you know, usually both show’s start with promo’s and not always good ones *ha*   

Sheamus vs Randy Orton

Of course we do get to see the usual “Look back” at last week, 40 seconds wasted there.
Randy’s slithering and all that “Viper” talk is starting to be dumb…wait…ok, I never liked it to begin with, but now it’s just annoying really.
Love how people always cheer for Randy, even though he’s technically a HEEL! Some people are so over, nothing can make people boo for them too much. Why he is, is beyond me, but who cares right? Not that he’s all bad, just not “my type” for some reason (and I do not mean that in the “sexual” way, although he ain’t my type there either).
The match is ok I’d say, until Ted & Cody, or Chip ‘n’Dale (Chip & Chap for all germans)  as I like to call them , show up that is.
Randy is distracted (because he keeps looking at them), Sheamus attacks him from behind, Rhodes get’s Randy DQ’ed, hit’s Sheamus outside, all attempts to be useful resulted in failure for Ted, all 3 are in the ring, arguing, Randy RKO’S Cody into the next week, Sheamus “big boot’s” Ted, get’s RKO’ed himself and with that, it’s all over.   

Riveting *rolls eyes*   

   

Bret Hart show’s up and he’s wearing a riCOCKulous lime-green “Canada” – shirt.
He talks about Vince not being here tonight, how he came back to WWE to finish thing, make peace.
The crowd either chants ”What” or “No” or “Huh” or “Aww” – possibly all of it (<- could not for the life of me hear a majority).   

He thanks everybody, says “Good Bye” and leaves for good <- at least that’s what he said, we all know that wasn’t it.
Jerry Lawler acts all sad, which feels very weird to me. I’m used to them feuding and despising each other (old-school Fan here), so this does not feel right at all *lol*   

We see Bret walking Backstage, saying “Bye” to everyone he meets on the way. Kofi, Alicia Fox, Swagger (<- isn’t he still a Heel? *ugh*), Primo, Gail Kim, Evan.
Then Cena walks with him for a little, trying to conVINCE (<- *hehe*) him to stay. Some more small talk and Hart get’s into his huge Limo, well, at least with his upper body.
I see the other car is in reverse, conveniently, and I know right aways were this will lead.
Now, I am not the biggest fan of accident-angles, privat-house-storming, cops-involved-things and the likes, but I can enjoy it when it’s done smoothly and makes sense in the end.
This however, was written in Bookers-Hell I am sure. It was badly done, looked fake
 and overall I did not dig at all!
Bret yelled “ouch” kinda late, but besides that, did some ok-acting (<- Yep, Hell froze over again, I compliment Hart now).
Cena on the other hand, over-acted and a lot at that. So did all the others who came running right when that car hit the door of the Limo and therefor Bret’s leg.   

   

(yep, it’s possible to overact in pictures too)   

The never told us what the verdict was on his injuries until “Friday Night SmackDown” 4 days later, when they informed us that his leg is broken and he has some other injuries as well.   

After all that commotion (and BTW: you didn’t see Bret anymore until they put him on that stretcher) and the ambulance taking off, we are now moving on o much better things…or so I thought.   

“Look back” (1 minute) and ShowMiz enter the arena and they brought a new mash-up-Theme along. Sounds weird, but who cares anyway.   

   

Another “look back”, 30 seconds, and we are now ready for:   

Non-Title-Match
ShowMiz vs Team Red … I mean Henry/MVP

I already knew I wasn’t gonna like this match, so I kept entertaining myself by looking at The Miz as much as possible *ahh*
One thing did make me giggle a bit and that was when Big Show accidentally stumbled over Henry *haha* Very smooth move there
   

MVP reversed the pin and won over The Miz, which left ShowMiz looking like this:   

   

and me looking like this:   

   

WHAT THE FUCK? So you crown new Champs one week and then have them lose against these fucktards the next? What is WWE thinking…oh, I know, I know *impatiently raises hand like back in school* THEY’RE NOT THINKING AT ALL!
And of course, it had to be MVP over Miz right? One has the charisma of a stone (and not “Stone Cold”) and the other may very well be your new up and coming Star once all of the old guys have decided to retire.
Man that pissed me off.   

   

…and most of them book matches in WWE!   

Right, I need to calm down and amuse myself, so:   

   

   

   

*Ha+ Ok, that did it…all calm now
   

Jerry Springer is here, but not to host much (<- who’d have guessed that one *ugh*), but to reveal ”Superstars most intimate relationships”.
Jerry Lawler’s “Jerry”- chants made me smile, but I will NOT script any of this for you guys. It was senseless and all I’ve learned is that Kelly Kelly apparently makes a good …uhmmm…easy girl, one of the Bella’s (possibly both) are transvestite, Chris Masters should’ve never been rehired and it was all a big joke.   

After seeing this and the Bret Hart – angle earlier, I am happy to report that they have found something to do for the entire, huge roster that night.
Half of them should be fired, if not more *hmpf*   

One more thing: Lawler at one point said that Khali probably doesn’t even know why he’s there or what’s up (<- can’t remember exactly, so sue me) and his translator replied with something that nailed it: “Khali, much like the audience, feels like this has been a waste of time” <- *ha* very accurate observation.   

Another shot of the dooming parking lot *hmpf* and we’re finally gonna see some more wrestling. This better be fucking good…   

Kofi Kingston vs Ted DiBiase   

“Look back” at what happened earlier.
Good match, just way short (5 minutes) and by “God”, Ted won!
Now, I am happy he did, in a way, but didn’t they just build Kofi up for upper card? And now he loses to mid-card? And clean too? Huh?
Whatever! I have no more energy to get all worked up (blame the cold *he*) and there’s still so much more bullshit to come *ha*   

   

Antonio Inoki will be introduced into the Hall of Fame! Good for him, cool video, but why the hell do the commentators keep hyping the “NBC Dog Show”? *lol*   

   

Another look back at what happened to Bret earlier, plus a look from another angle, which doesn’t reveal anything else than the rest did. Useless crap!   

Springer holds a little speech, hyping EC-PPV and then, you might have guessed it, another fucking look back *argh*   

John Cena addresses Batista, who, much to my relief, is not in the building *yay*. I could script this for you, but I quite possibly would fall asleep, that’s how mcuh I did not care when I watched it the first time.
And sicne this is my blog, written for th esole purpose of entertaining myself and while doing so hopefully a few of you guys, I chose not to write aynmore about it *ha*
Go see for yourself if ya’ dare
   

John Cena vs Triple H

Welcome to the most boring match in 2010 so far *ha* Yep, that intersting. I think imma go back and write about that promo rather than to watch this again.
BOOOOORING!   

To make matters worse, in runs Sheamus, kicks H³ (Cena is already down)  and so on and so forth.   

Thats it, that’s how RAW ended. Sad ain’t it? What an epic waste of Tv-time…and hardly any build-up, just crap *hmpf*   

And where the hell was HBK? Did he and Vicne go on vacation together or what? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know he get’s day’s of, but can’t they “tape” something then? Anything?
No mention of him by Hunter? No SL- progress? He has an ongoing SL, one of the few and they leave him out of one complete show?
Actually, no SL was cotinued at all. Bret and Batista don’t count as progress or next chapters, cuase nothing moved on.
Colour me puzzled… 

ECW – for the last time EVER

So THIS is how they end ECW? Damn! This could have been a great show and more importatly, it should have been one. It wasn’t! Mediocre comes to mind, yet again.   

UTTT-match
ShowMiz vs Tatsu/Goldust   

ShowMiz won!   

   

   

Yep, totally “ignoring” Big Show here *lol*   

Tiffany holds a little speech, gets interrupted by Ryder/Rosa. Tiffany is an eloquent speaker, which is why I did not mind her as ECW-GM at all. Kudos!   

Hopefully for the last time in a long time…how about EVER…The Abraham Washington Show *ugh*
I sure hope WWE doesn’t even think about putting that crap on SD or RAW.
The short version: SHelton says the show is unwatchable (Thinkthis is the first time I agree with the man), Archer, Croft & Barreta, Kozlov, everbody gets beat, Shelton & Kozlov shake hands. Possible result: Kozlov = Face!   

Next is CHRISTIAN and he comes out with a cart full of goddies *lol*   

   

“You know, it was a year ago this week that I debuted on ECW and lotta people, actually (<- there it is again *ha*) most people, said that when I came back to the WWE that maybe I should have made a bigger IMPACT (<- I thougth it was funny!)  that a somehow being on ECW was like a demotion. Well, I never looked at it like that (<- right, sure you didn’t *ha* But I gotta say, hew stole the show at every event when touring with SD – so it was good for him and good that Vince got to see that Christian fucking rules).
See, I’ve been in this business a long time, 15+ years and ECW to me feels like home. ECW gave me a chance, ECW gave me the ball and I ran with it. ECW let me reconnect and compete with one of my oldest and best friends, the conerstone, the glue of ECW for so many years, Tommy Dreamer.
ECW let me mentor up and coming Superstars like Yoshi Tatsu, he has a huge future, he does. And the best part of all is that I got to do most of it as the ECW-Champion! And I stand before all of you, my peeps, the longets regnign current Champion in the WWE.
Tonight I fight for every ECW-original, who wanted these 3 letters to mean something. Tonight I fight for every young ECW-Superstar in the back that’s trying to find their way.
(ECW-Chants)
Tonight, ECW goes away forever, but I will always be proud that I was a part of something great and I’ll…I’ll always be very proud to say that I was the last ECW-Champion!”   

Now wouldn’t that be rad? But as usual, when somethign is supposed to happen, WWE decides to go a differnt path.   

Extreme Rules ECW-Championship-Match
Ezekiel Jackson vs Christian   

This is what happend:
Regal got chased away with NO mic-time *hmpf*, Ryder interfered, and then this:   

   

I can’t even begin to tell you how much this pissed me off! Christian deserved to be the last Champion – period!
I don’t care about pushing Jackson, probably baecause I’ll never understand why someone would do such a thing – so WWE can take that reason and shove it up their candy ass!
RIDICULOUS!!!
And did I tell you that Hurricane was not even there at all? Yep, not one second of Hurricaneism, nothing, s’ like he never belonged. I hate WWE!   

Imma need to cool down again:   

   

   

   

   

*swoons*   

Alright, time for SmackDown, which starts with Jericho (<- make me happy WWE *yay*), who comes in for a promo, looking suave in his suit.
He pucker’s his lips a lot (s’ funny) and graces us with the pleasure of hearing him talk:   

“I’ve made a career of doing what none of you failures could ever hope and dream to do. I’ve made an artform out of accomplishing the impossible. I starred down the barrel of an instrumountable odd over and over and over and over again and yet I always come out on top (<- is it time for an inapporpriate dirty joke yet? *snickers*).
I did it when I beat the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin in the very same night to become the first undisputed Champion. I did it again when I humiliated Shawn Michaels in his own ladder match to be the World Champion again. And last friday, I did what so few have ever done, I drove the Phenom to his knees and I beat the Undertaker (<- he now flashes on hell of a gergous smile *sigh*).”
Look back on his win over Undertaker!   

“I beat the Undertaker, I beat him, I beat the Undertaker, I beat the Undertaker (<- clearly, he’s making sure the moronic booker sunderstand him too *ha*).
I proved that the Deadman, is only a man. And if that wasn’t enough to cement my legendary status in this business forever, this Sunday, I’m gonna beat the odds agian when I enter the EC for the 6th time and become the World Champion for the 6th time.
You see average people, average people like all of you, when faced with adversities curl up and hide, lie to themselves, lie to everybody aroung them, hide behind delusions of grandur. I don’t hide behind anything, I don’t have too. I deal in reality and the reality is, on Sunday, I’m coming out of the EC, as the World…”   

YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME   

Edge arrives and by “Go”, I don’t know wether I can stand the 2 of them, looking as hot as they do, in one ring together tonight *lol* I might faint or something. DAMN! What a beautiful sight.
I mean, come on, look at this:   

   

and this:   

   

and this:   

   

Are you getting my point yet?
   

“You know Chris, it’s refreshing, it’s refreshing to hear that you understand what a big deal it is to beat the Undertaker. I know, I’ve done it.
It’s an elite, elite club. It’s like sinking a hole-in-one, it’s like pittching a no-hitter, winning the Stanley-Cup, knocking out Muhammed Ali.
But it’s actually (<- and another one) bigger than all of these thing Chris and you did it.”   

“Of course I did it Edge, cause I’m the best in the world at what I do” <- and then he smirks, I swoon, Edge looks like he’s annoyed.   

“See Chris, you saying that illustrates the real problem with you and your littl eclip didn’t exactly show everything that happened last week (<- I forgot to mention that Jericho hsowed a clip of his win *oops* Sorry *ha*).
So why don’t, why don’t I just remind you what led to your cllip before. Shall we? Let’s see it.
And Chris don’t make any mistake about it, I didn’t do that to help you, I did it because the Undertaker kicked me in the face.
But see, that’s the problem with you Chris, you’re not as good as you think you are. As a matter of fact, I don’t ´think you would have beaten the Undertaker unless I speared him first.”   

“You know what Edge, you shouldn’t be as concerned about the past as you are about the future (<- HUH? *lol*). Because ionce again, like I just said, I’m gonna the EC, it’s axiomatic, I’m going to win and when I do, do yourself a favour and stay away from me, please. Face the winner of the RAW-Chamber match at WM, but stay away from me, cause remember, when I’m around you Edge, bad things happen. ANd if you continue to annoy me, to poke me and prag me, I’m not just gonna beat you, I’m going to hurt you!”   

You know Chris, the more I hear your voice buzzing around in my head, saying the same things over and over and over again, the more I wanna knock that condisending, hollier than thou look of your face for good!
So Chris, I almost hope that you win the EC, so I can do it.
Now Chris, you shouldn’t be concerned about what I can do to you in the future, you should be concerned about what I can do to you right now!”   

Light flickers, which is a dead giveaway that we are going to see th Undertaker do the same shit he does week, after week, after week, after fucking week.   

Then this:   

   

A spear, Jericho get’s right up (<- weird much), leaves, Edge’S looks after him, segment over.   

After some more look’s back, they announce Kane vs Drew McIntyre at the EC-PPV – well if that aint the match the world has waited for *ugh   

Next is:   

Kane vs Dolph Ziggler   

…and I am starting to feel like Bill Murray did in “GroundhogDay”   

   

(Warning: a lot of htis has already been tweeted *ha*)
Seriously, how many times can one sit though Drew vs JoMo vs Kane vs Dolph Ziggler without getting sick of it? I know I’ve reached my limit like 5 weeks ago, yet I still have to watch this every freaking week, knowing very well who will win and why *argh* Enough already!   

Striker talks about some statistics, “5% of all Intercontinental Champions are hung like horses”…ok, maybe me memory is deciving me, but that ‘s what I heard. Could have bben somehting like “40% moce on to become Champions”, but who cares
   

Speaking of penis, don’t tellme I am the only one seeing this week after week on different Wrestlers, but damn did Zigglers penis pocked out of his spandex or what?
I could hardly concentrate on the epic match that was taking place there *rolls eyes*   

   

McIntyre comes in, Kane wins, Drew attacks, fails, gets thrown out by Kane – The End.   

Rey Mysterio is getting interviewed by “whatshisface” backstage, while I am asking myself how in the world he is so fucking over, made it so big, with absolut ZERO mic-skills. How?
Don’t get me wrong, that guy had some awesome matches and surely is great when it comes to technique and all, but as soon as he opens his mouth, all that comes out of it is boring, overdramatic and all words are chopped off. Hideous!   

He bitches about our Saviour a little and as much as I’m trying, I can not remember anything else he said *ha*   

Another lokk back, this time it’s actually for a purpose though: Newly crowned ECW-Champion Ezekiel Jackson is coming to SmackDown!
WHAT? Dear “God”, I was hoping they’ll send his ass to RAW (“Where the big Losers play”), but no, of course, whenever I think it’s a good idea, WWE does the exact opposite *meh*
Speaking of *meh* – I think I will refere to him as Big Meh from now on – better then Big Zeke *ha*).   

CrymeTyme vs Croft/Barreta

The only thing remotly interesting about this was Striker and Grisham, who kept dissing each other *ha* Well, most of the dissing was done by STriker, but you know what I mean.
This also featured somehting that made my inner 12 year old giggle:   

Todd: “I thought you don’t like videogames?”
Matt: “Hand/Eye combination, important in other places too!” *giggles* My mind is a dirty dirty place and apparently, so is Striker’s *he*   

Oh and by the way, CrymeTyme won (Shad over Trent).   

“Whatshisface” and John Morrison backstage and aww, JoMo is so pretty when quite. He answer boring questions with boring answers, until R-Truth coems along and delivers the cheesiest promo this side of Matt Hardy.
Silly shit, nobody cares, let’s move on shall we?   

The Straight Edge Society comes into the ring (not wihtout a look back on last friday of course). Striker hypes a lot, but still not like he used too. He does call Serena the “Anti-Diva” and that’s about as funny as it gets there. 
   

Punk’s promo is pretty damn great and I don’t htink I can do it justice by scripting it´! The fact that I am already like 2 days late and the cold have of course nothing to do with this decision at all *hehe*
I think you should look at it yourself, really, you should, pretty entertaining stuff:   

   

Punk is playing the insane Saviour – role so good, I might start to believe he’s only being himself *lol* Love it!!!
Lot’s of bromance going on, brought to you by the ever-touchy hands of Luke Gallows.
And in case you were wondering where you had heard “I find your lack of faith disturbing” before, Punk’s inner Nerd stole that from Darth Vader:   

   

Yep, knowing that makes me a nerd as well I guess, but I am not one of those hardcore Star Wars fans. Matter of fact, not a fan at all. Good movies, but no need to freak out about them.
I digress…   

   

   

   

^^^Aww, you see that look on Punk’s face? Adorable ain’t it
   

Puke vs JoMo/R-Truth

Now, I’m wondering about JoMo. why the hell would you wanna comoete when your foot’s broken? Or is it a work? Didn’t look like one and hasnt been reported as one. So I ask again: Why don’t you take a few days off? Weird!   

There’s some fire and thunder during the match, which is sign #2 that the Undertaker will show up sooner or later.
The match itself ain’t bad. Inevedibly it ended with JoMo’s foot being attacked by Punk, refere ringing the bell and Punk not stopping. Surprised? Nah.SES keep beating up JoMo & R-Truth until Mysterio runs in and “attacks” Punk (who pratically stood ther eand waited for it) unitl he’s being beat by Puke.
SES celebrates a little and then we’ll get to see yet another fucking look back. This time, they show us the hideous accident-angle again.   

   

   

I do like to state that R-Truth did a quite horrible job there at times. Example? Well, at one point, he was to beat up to reach JoMo, but in the next second able to jump up and slap Punk. Bad acting overall! Yet another surprise there *ha*   

Teddy wants to take action against HBK and Vickie tells Mickie (<- *ha*) that she will compete against McCool next week, with herself as special refere.   

Greta Khali/Matt Hardy/Maria vs Hart Dynasty   

Bad acting, bad angle, bad bad bad! And matching purple pants. MATCHING PURPLE PANTS!!!
Apparently Hardy decided to eat JoMo’s much needed sandwhich for lunch (Soory, was to obvious, couldnt resist):
Besides some Strikerism, I have nothing good to say about this – period! Waste of Tv-time, waste of Hart Dynasty and MAN, do I not like Maris.
Why? Why? Why?
There is not a single interesting thing about this “feud”, this so-called Tag-Team of Khali & Matt, Maria’ fake-dating Hardy – nothing!
I wanted to rant on and on about this, but I am tired now,so I won’t *lol* Waste of energy!   

Striker ” Natty by nature, naughty by choice and insane by genetics” *lol* Nice   

Natalya wins over Maria, who storms off because she’s pissed.   

Matt runs after her, they’re backstage, deliver a chessy ass BS promo, McCool & Layla come along, act like Teenagers a lot, Maria runs off again, Matt’s mad (“Children, would you please grow up”) and runs after her again!   

Batista vs Edge   

Finally, some more hotness! And I am definety NOT talking about Batista here
   

After playing around a little, Batista decides to leave. Edge grabs a mic and insults him a bit to make him come back. Sadly, he does.
The match isn’t long or good.   

Grisham: “…this is a whole different animal…literally!” *ha*   

Edge spears Batista, the light goes out and who would have guessed it, Undertaker standing in ring once they’re back on. He chokeslams Edge.   

In the end, Undertaker is on the ramp, Edge is standing in the ring, Jericho comes from behind and gives him the “Codebreaker”, Staredown and gestures Undertaker vs Jericho, Jericho makes me giggle.   

   

   

   

   

I would say that I hope Jericho wins the Title blablabla, but since it is Monday night, I already know what happened at the EC-PPV. Don’t woory, I’ll write about that in the next blog.   

NXT will debute this Tuesday and personally, I can’t wait to see what they’ll have in store for us. They claim it’s “reality Tv”, but here’s me guessing (and hoping) that they will just act like it is.
This could be fun to watch, especially since it does feature 4 out my Top5 *ha*

 
8 Pro’s & 8 Rookies   

The Miz – Daniel Bryan (Also known as Brian Danielson *ugh* Who thinks of this shit?)
Chris Jericho – Wade Barrett
Matt Hardy – Justin Gabriel
William Regal (who Is replacing MVP thankfully, for whatever reason *yay*) – Skip Sheffiled
Carlito (huh?) – Michael Tarner
Christian – Heath Slater
CM Punk – Darren YOung
R-Truth – David Otunga   

I will not judge until I’ve seen, so no more now, I am tired:   

   

P.s. In case you live under a rock, the headline is a quote from “Batman” and yes, I chose this because of Chris and Edge being all serious.