This weeks headline is a quote from “Batman & Robin”, as in old-school:
Robin say’s this to Batman while holding up a piece of paper that has nothing on it.
I imagine that’s what the Wrestlers must have felt like when they received their script for RAW last week *ha* which is why I chose it.
Plus, I couldn’t find or think of a quote that said: “Man, you writers/bookers suck ass. Why don’t I have your job instead?”
How does one become a writer at WWE? Do I need any special qualifications (Obviously not)? Where can I apply?
I know most bookers are former Wrestlers and such, so I guess there’s no way to apply for that job, since my brief stint in a Wrestling-ring, 10 years ago, carrying a meaningless belt, wont count.
Also, I think I would be a better writer than booker anyway.
Actually, I know about 3 people who would write better stuff than WWE-writers are writing at the moment. You know who you are guys…
Enough of that, let’s write about RAW for a minute. And I mean literally *ha* I will not write a long-ass “report” about RAW this week, simply because it would be a waste of time. Yep, that bad.
Now, don’t get me wrong, there have been worse of course, and plenty so in the past year, but still, I just don’t feel like it and this is my blog damn it *lol*
I will however, write about the beginning of the show in detail, because I loved it a lot. It even caused me to be naive enough to think that this RAW might become a great one – a hope that was crushed only minutes later.
In case you feel like paying your respects and condolences, I buried all my hope here:
Maybe, just maybe, you guys will witness it’s resurrection on the episode of RAW hosted by Steve Austin, who will hopefully also be the last Guest Host in a LONG time – preferably forever (unless they’re bringing in The Rock!).
Right, before I really move on to RAW ( I promise), let’s talk about the EC-PPV for a minute shall we?
(squeezing this in here now, cause I forgot to start with it *ha*)
Batista in new the Champion *ugh* -> No words!
Chris Jericho is also a Champion now:
Not that this was a huge surprise, but I am happy nonetheless.
BUT (there’s always a but when talking about WWE isn’t there): Why oh why did they have to have him win with the “help” of HBK only?
I get that they wanted to start the HBK/Undertaker feud, but wasn’t there another way? Really? It was great for their feud and it’s great Chris won, for his feud with Edge. But now, he looks like the “weak” guy who couldn’t win this by himself *hmpf* AGAIN!
BTW: EC was booked in Booker’s hell again. Punk out so early? Cena only in for 5 minutes, but then so beat that he was Helpless against Batista? He’s SuperCena damn it *lol*
Diva’s Championship match replaced with lame TT-Match? *ugh*
I’d like the bookers to share some of that stuff they’re smoking with me, maybe then I’ll understand.
Gotta admit though, I haven’t watched it yet, only highlights, since I watch PPV’s with a 3-month-delay (don’t ask) and I am not saying that it was shit! But it obviously wasn’t great either, as the highlights were pretty slim and all my friends are bitching about it as well *lol*
You’re wondering whether Edge had the day off? No! He dared to interrupt the greatest General Manager RAW ever had, hell, the greatest WWE ever had, while he was speaking to the audience, for unknown reasons, during the PPV.
*tsk*tsk*tsk*
Ok, I forgive him, cause he looked damn hot when he did it
I’d also like to state that Regal didn’t look to bad himself. Not in the “hot guy” – sense, but good you know.
REGAL FOR RAW-GM!!!
Finally, let’s move on to RAW for real this time:
It all started with a very giddy Chris Jericho, flashing that gorgeous smile of his like there was no tomorrow…
…celebrating his victory from the night before.
“I’M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA!” *pauses while holding up Belt* “No I don’t cause I’m going to Wrestlemania” (<- he was responding to the crowd, which chanted “you suck”! BUT: There was a few who chanted “Y2Jerk” – and when you put it that way, his response is not so pg-rated *lol* Just sayin’ )
“And ever since I was unfairly assaulted and attacked by Mike Tyson a month ago, I said I would never return to RAW again, even though I am the most valuable performer in this company and the true face of the WWE! ” *he shrugs*
B”ut I changed my mind because last night in the EC I beat 5 of the top Superstars on SD (<- 5? Does R-Truth really count *ugh*), including the Phenom, the Undertaker” *makes funny mocking face*
“I beat the Undertaker 2 times in a row. How many man on this planet can claim that? I can, cause I did!
And as a result, I’m the WHC! I AM THE WHC! I AM THE WHC – do you understand what I’m saying to you right now?” (<- no not really, would you care to repeat that one more time?)
“And I’ll say it again, I’M GOING TO WRESTLEMANIA” (<- *lol*)
YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME
Here comes Edge, to piss on Jericho’s parade. Everybody’s waiting for him to come through the fog *lol* but no, he runs in from behind, spear spear spearing Chris into next week, before grabbing the mic:
“Hey Chris, you’re going to Wrestlemania…against me!”
*Hooray* Now, the only thing I am “scared” of, is that they’ll book Edge to win. Don’t get me wrong – I love Edge a lot, almost as much as Jericho *ha* But I do think that Chris deserves a longer run than just from one PPV to the next if you’re catching my drift here.
Besides, Edge has been Champion more often and longer ( and pretty much constantly before being injured), so others come first now me thinks.
BTW: I loved the shit out of this promo! Jericho fucking rules!
The rest of RAW will now be presented to ya’ in the short version:
Cena comes to ring and he doesn’t look happy at all. He compares himself to Bret Hart and Hurricane Helms (y- more on that later): “Add me to the list of people that Vince screwed!” <- *ahhh* Mental images yet again. I’ll be so happy for when this feud is over, for various reasons, but this being a major one! *lol*
Vince comes out and tell’s him that if he will win his match against Batista tonight, he will get a match against him at Wrestlmania and if he won’t, Sheamus will get his re-match instead.
(Speaking of rematches. Funny how neither Shemaus nor the Undertaker are getting theirs huh? Geez WWE, what’s happening?)
The why-have-it-on-PPV-when-you-can-have-it-on-RAW-Divas-Championship-Match: Maryse + Gail Kim = Maryse!
Guest Hosts Jewel & Ty Murray backstage with a bunch of Divas, Jewel slaps Jillian.
Orton & Rhodes talk in locker room, Orton say’s it’s all his fault really and “Tell Ted I’m sorry”
Ted walks in as soon as Orton has left and asks Cody: “You sticking to the plan?” which he answers with “Absolutely”
Kofi Kingston/Yoshi Tatsu/Evan Bourne vs Legacy = good match!
Cody & Ted whisper while Orton is in ring, Cody tags himself in, Randy responds with a move, Ted confronts him, yells “What’s your problem?” a lot -> get’s ROK’ed. Randy walks away, Evan over Cody *yay*
HBK comes to ring all “cowboyed up”, seems he’s more of a tweener now, talk sa bit, Undertaker comes out (and waits until the pyro is off to do so *ha*), stare down. (<- BTW: As usual, on the road to WM, split-rosters are no more! Not that WWE gives a fuck about them throughout the year much, but on the road to WM, it’s even less)
Undertaker: “You wanted my attention, now you have it”
They deliver a good promo (really!) and end up with “Streak vs Career”-Match at WM. (<- My pov: This will result in HBK taking a break after losing!)
MITB-Qualifying-Match: Christian vs Carlito = Christian!!! Now he better win that MitB too – I am still pissed that they put him with RAW.
Why?
#1: I won’t see him on tour in April!
#2: Raw only has an upper-card (HHH/Cena/Orton/maybe Batista sometimes) and NO mid-card!
#3: Edge & Jericho & Punk & so many other possibilities on SD!
Divas Bullriding contest! I have no words, I only have a picture to compensate my pain:
Although seeing the Big Show bullriding was kinda funny and so was the Miz & Jewel bickering.
ShowMiz vs MVP/Henry (hopefully for the last time EVER) = ShowMiz! Seen worse matches.
Vince had nothing to do with the “accident” and wants Bret Hart to come back to RAW next week and say a proper farewell.
BTW: Next weeks guest host in pg-rated-family-friendly-WWE will be Cheech & Chong and we will also see Orton vs DiBiase.
Cena vs Batista = Cena, cause Batista get’s DQ’ed. Beats up Cena some more, smiles and leaves. RAW off air!
See what I mean now? No? Well I don’t care *lol*
NXT
I have no idea hoe to write about NXT yet. It’s a bit more chaotic and kinda weird & hard to describe – maybe I just need to get used to it – but I don’t wanna “ruin” anything by not doing it justice ya know *lol*
Plus, since this was the first episode, everybody was still getting introduced and the same will probably happen next week, since not all 8 rookies have been on yet.
So maybe the 3rd one will be easier to write about.
First things first: Cole & Matthews? WTF? This is gonna be some lame ass commentary, despite Cole hating on the internet now, acting all heel-ish.
Matt Striker as “Host” (aka Backstage – interviewer, like Josh”whatshisface”Matthews usually is) – could be fun!
And the ropes are white *meh*
We see the 8 rookies backstage, Miz comes in and look s at them, disapproving mostly. He then gives DB/BD (Daniel Bryan) a speech, yadda, yadda, yadda and tells him to go out and introduce himself, show some personality, some charisma (he can even go out to the Miz’ music *lol*).
DB/BD does as told( NOTE: I only script what I thought was funny or mattered):
“That’s a tremendous reception, especially considering that my WWE Pro was the Miz” (<- was? Did I miss anything *lol*)
“To all my fans throughout the world, I’d just like to say 2 words: I’m sorry (<- doesn’t that count as 3?). Seriously! (<- make that 4 *ha*) I wish my pro was William Regal (<- who did not even show up in the 1st episode *meh*)”
Miz comes out:
“That’s what you come up with ‘I’m sorry’? That’s the personality? That’s the charisma?”
DB/BD: “You better watch what you say or I’ll submit you right now” (<- uhoh, what a thread huh?)
Miz: “That’s cute! (<- No, but you are *ha*) … How are you gonna become a star in the WWE huh?”
DB/BD: “Well..*stuttering somehting like “Dude”* …what I was thinking I was gonna do is I was gonna go on a reality-tv-show, get a faux hawk and then come out here and act like an idiot. That’s how…oh wait no no no, that’s already been done and it’s been done by you”
My pov: Whoever wrote his lines tonight, did a good job, I laughed, but: He presented it way shaky *lol* and the reality-Tv-show-thing? Bad idea, since Miz could always say: Well at least I am well known and rich with a hot girlfriend, how about you?” Sadly, he didn’t:
“Yeah, maybe, maybe I did go for a reality-Tv-show and that is just fine, that is fine and dandy.
But let’s see something, try a catchphrase for me. How about something like: I’m the Miz and I’m awesome!”
Yep, he totally ignored DB/BD’s insult and that ain’t exactly “good promos 101″ either *lol*
DB/BD: “Let me see if I can rack my brain for something as cool as I’M AWESOME. Let me see:” *Note: I will not script that weak ass so-called-catchphrase that boy delivered*lol*
Miz talks some more, slaps him and then leaves the ring.
“You know Miz, there will be a time where imma slap you back” <- Right!
My only question is: Who in the world would wear such hideous pants DB/BD? Man oh man – speechless!
Backstage, Striker interviews DB/BD.
Carlito/Micheal Tarver vs Christian/Heath Slater
They show some hype videos for each Rookie and I dig them. Slater’s ends with him saying: “I’m about to blow your mind” <- Yep, I think you might just blow big time!
Christian over Tarver and can somebody explain to me what in the world Carlito is doing on this show? As a pro? And…ugh nevermind.
Next we see SES and Punk’s rookie, Darren Young. Oh man, this is going to be a blast *lol* Match made in heaven, total opposites and the look on Punk’s face is priceless. From annoyed to not caring, to wondering why the hell he’s even here. I’m loving it *ha*
He totally ignores Darren, besides giving him disapproving looks in between. Doesn’t even talk to him.
Darren Young vs David Otunga (<- R-Truth’ Rookie)
Otunga squashes Young within seconds and Punk’s not impressed *lol*. The commentators let us know that: “It wasn’t pretty, but it was effective”.
I am not impressed with either Rookie, besides having the bad feeling that Otunga is gonna win this NXT-Season anyway – but that’s just guessing.
BTW: I am totally convinced that David Otunga stole The Miz’ gimmick! *hmpf*
Can’t wait to see how this continues.
Jericho and Wade Barrett came to the ring and Chris wanted Wade not to introduce him, but to give him the honour he deserves.
I found it funnier when one is heel and the other face, but 2 Heels might be good too, we’ll see.
So far, Wade didn’t look to great, bit lame, but hey, it was his first time, so I’ll wait.
Chris Jericho vs DB/BD (and the Miz is pissed cause DB/BD passes him on their way in *lol*)
You might think that Jericho would beat DB/BD within seconds, but no, Daniel actually got some offense in their, quite a lot even.
Of course in the end, Jericho won this one – with an old-school-”Codebreaker” <- Nice!
Miz jumped in the ring and started beating up DB/BD, yelling “Huh rookie, you wanna disrespect me?”.
Striker is backstage with the other 6 rookies:
“This is the future! This is unique! This is NXT!”
NOTE: Due to computer-problems, I could not proofread this piece of art at all and since I wrote it in constant delirium *lol* (<- cold!), there might be MANY mistakes, typos and whatnot. Sorry, but you’ll live I’m sure…
I have a cold! And much like a man, I hate having colds and like crying about it *lol*
I broke my foot in an accident as a Teenager, had surgeries – all that can not impress me, but “Lord” have mercy if I have a little cold.
Ok, I might be exaggerating a little, but really, not being able to breath right bothers me.
Why I am sharing all this useless information with you? Well, it’s like this: I was pretty unsatisfied with WWE this week. It wasnt all horrible, but still *meh*
So I already knew I would probably rant a lot! Now, after my car broke down and I am having a cold, it COULD be that I will rant even more
Just a fair warning *ha*
Also, please note that I am in full profanity-using-mode this week, just for the hell of it and because I am having fun
And NO, I do not always talk like that and I do not always write like that, but today, I fucking feel like it, so deal or leave *lol* Don’t let the door hit your ass on the way out <- Just kidding, relax, I love everybody who takes the time to read the crap I am writing…serisouly!
RAW was unbelievably lame! On twitter I wrote something like this: “It wasnt all horrible/hideous/awful, but it sure wasn’t great/amazing/awesome either. Just simply BAD!”
See, some things are so horrible, you can make them interesting later by bitching about them ( a lot), but this was so unsensational, you cant’ even make fun of it properly.
First we get to see what will happen tonight (Bret will address .. well, all of us I guess), the usual PPV-hyping and such, and then, the camera shows us a picture from outside the arena, which inspired Jerry Lawler to say the following: “…and right now you’re looking live…well that’s the parking lot” <- Really Jerry? REALLY? Who would’ve guessed *ugh*ha*
Apparently Batista will arrive later – Joy the motherfucking world!
Shockingly, RAW started with an actual match, just like SD did last week. As you know, usually both show’s start with promo’s and not always good ones *ha*
Sheamus vs Randy Orton
Of course we do get to see the usual “Look back” at last week, 40 seconds wasted there.
Randy’s slithering and all that “Viper” talk is starting to be dumb…wait…ok, I never liked it to begin with, but now it’s just annoying really.
Love how people always cheer for Randy, even though he’s technically a HEEL! Some people are so over, nothing can make people boo for them too much. Why he is, is beyond me, but who cares right? Not that he’s all bad, just not “my type” for some reason (and I do not mean that in the “sexual” way, although he ain’t my type there either).
The match is ok I’d say, until Ted & Cody, or Chip ‘n’Dale (Chip & Chap for all germans) as I like to call them , show up that is.
Randy is distracted (because he keeps looking at them), Sheamus attacks him from behind, Rhodes get’s Randy DQ’ed, hit’s Sheamus outside, all attempts to be useful resulted in failure for Ted, all 3 are in the ring, arguing, Randy RKO’S Cody into the next week, Sheamus “big boot’s” Ted, get’s RKO’ed himself and with that, it’s all over.
Riveting *rolls eyes*
Bret Hart show’s up and he’s wearing a riCOCKulous lime-green “Canada” – shirt.
He talks about Vince not being here tonight, how he came back to WWE to finish thing, make peace.
The crowd either chants ”What” or “No” or “Huh” or “Aww” – possibly all of it (<- could not for the life of me hear a majority).
He thanks everybody, says “Good Bye” and leaves for good <- at least that’s what he said, we all know that wasn’t it.
Jerry Lawler acts all sad, which feels very weird to me. I’m used to them feuding and despising each other (old-school Fan here), so this does not feel right at all *lol*
We see Bret walking Backstage, saying “Bye” to everyone he meets on the way. Kofi, Alicia Fox, Swagger (<- isn’t he still a Heel? *ugh*), Primo, Gail Kim, Evan.
Then Cena walks with him for a little, trying to conVINCE (<- *hehe*) him to stay. Some more small talk and Hart get’s into his huge Limo, well, at least with his upper body.
I see the other car is in reverse, conveniently, and I know right aways were this will lead.
Now, I am not the biggest fan of accident-angles, privat-house-storming, cops-involved-things and the likes, but I can enjoy it when it’s done smoothly and makes sense in the end.
This however, was written in Bookers-Hell I am sure. It was badly done, looked fake
and overall I did not dig at all!
Bret yelled “ouch” kinda late, but besides that, did some ok-acting (<- Yep, Hell froze over again, I compliment Hart now).
Cena on the other hand, over-acted and a lot at that. So did all the others who came running right when that car hit the door of the Limo and therefor Bret’s leg.
(yep, it’s possible to overact in pictures too)
The never told us what the verdict was on his injuries until “Friday Night SmackDown” 4 days later, when they informed us that his leg is broken and he has some other injuries as well.
After all that commotion (and BTW: you didn’t see Bret anymore until they put him on that stretcher) and the ambulance taking off, we are now moving on o much better things…or so I thought.
“Look back” (1 minute) and ShowMiz enter the arena and they brought a new mash-up-Theme along. Sounds weird, but who cares anyway.
Another “look back”, 30 seconds, and we are now ready for:
Non-Title-Match
ShowMiz vs Team Red … I mean Henry/MVP
I already knew I wasn’t gonna like this match, so I kept entertaining myself by looking at The Miz as much as possible *ahh*
One thing did make me giggle a bit and that was when Big Show accidentally stumbled over Henry *haha* Very smooth move there
MVP reversed the pin and won over The Miz, which left ShowMiz looking like this:
and me looking like this:
WHAT THE FUCK? So you crown new Champs one week and then have them lose against these fucktards the next? What is WWE thinking…oh, I know, I know *impatiently raises hand like back in school* THEY’RE NOT THINKING AT ALL!
And of course, it had to be MVP over Miz right? One has the charisma of a stone (and not “Stone Cold”) and the other may very well be your new up and coming Star once all of the old guys have decided to retire.
Man that pissed me off.
…and most of them book matches in WWE!
Right, I need to calm down and amuse myself, so:
*Ha+ Ok, that did it…all calm now
Jerry Springer is here, but not to host much (<- who’d have guessed that one *ugh*), but to reveal ”Superstars most intimate relationships”.
Jerry Lawler’s “Jerry”- chants made me smile, but I will NOT script any of this for you guys. It was senseless and all I’ve learned is that Kelly Kelly apparently makes a good …uhmmm…easy girl, one of the Bella’s (possibly both) are transvestite, Chris Masters should’ve never been rehired and it was all a big joke.
After seeing this and the Bret Hart – angle earlier, I am happy to report that they have found something to do for the entire, huge roster that night.
Half of them should be fired, if not more *hmpf*
One more thing: Lawler at one point said that Khali probably doesn’t even know why he’s there or what’s up (<- can’t remember exactly, so sue me) and his translator replied with something that nailed it: “Khali, much like the audience, feels like this has been a waste of time” <- *ha* very accurate observation.
Another shot of the dooming parking lot *hmpf* and we’re finally gonna see some more wrestling. This better be fucking good…
Kofi Kingston vs Ted DiBiase
“Look back” at what happened earlier.
Good match, just way short (5 minutes) and by “God”, Ted won!
Now, I am happy he did, in a way, but didn’t they just build Kofi up for upper card? And now he loses to mid-card? And clean too? Huh?
Whatever! I have no more energy to get all worked up (blame the cold *he*) and there’s still so much more bullshit to come *ha*
Antonio Inoki will be introduced into the Hall of Fame! Good for him, cool video, but why the hell do the commentators keep hyping the “NBC Dog Show”? *lol*
Another look back at what happened to Bret earlier, plus a look from another angle, which doesn’t reveal anything else than the rest did. Useless crap!
Springer holds a little speech, hyping EC-PPV and then, you might have guessed it, another fucking look back *argh*
John Cena addresses Batista, who, much to my relief, is not in the building *yay*. I could script this for you, but I quite possibly would fall asleep, that’s how mcuh I did not care when I watched it the first time.
And sicne this is my blog, written for th esole purpose of entertaining myself and while doing so hopefully a few of you guys, I chose not to write aynmore about it *ha*
Go see for yourself if ya’ dare
John Cena vs Triple H
Welcome to the most boring match in 2010 so far *ha* Yep, that intersting. I think imma go back and write about that promo rather than to watch this again.
BOOOOORING!
To make matters worse, in runs Sheamus, kicks H³ (Cena is already down) and so on and so forth.
Thats it, that’s how RAW ended. Sad ain’t it? What an epic waste of Tv-time…and hardly any build-up, just crap *hmpf*
And where the hell was HBK? Did he and Vicne go on vacation together or what? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I know he get’s day’s of, but can’t they “tape” something then? Anything?
No mention of him by Hunter? No SL- progress? He has an ongoing SL, one of the few and they leave him out of one complete show?
Actually, no SL was cotinued at all. Bret and Batista don’t count as progress or next chapters, cuase nothing moved on.
Colour me puzzled…
ECW – for the last time EVER
So THIS is how they end ECW? Damn! This could have been a great show and more importatly, it should have been one. It wasn’t! Mediocre comes to mind, yet again.
UTTT-match
ShowMiz vs Tatsu/Goldust
ShowMiz won!
Yep, totally “ignoring” Big Show here *lol*
Tiffany holds a little speech, gets interrupted by Ryder/Rosa. Tiffany is an eloquent speaker, which is why I did not mind her as ECW-GM at all. Kudos!
Hopefully for the last time in a long time…how about EVER…The Abraham Washington Show *ugh*
I sure hope WWE doesn’t even think about putting that crap on SD or RAW.
The short version: SHelton says the show is unwatchable (Thinkthis is the first time I agree with the man), Archer, Croft & Barreta, Kozlov, everbody gets beat, Shelton & Kozlov shake hands. Possible result: Kozlov = Face!
Next is CHRISTIAN and he comes out with a cart full of goddies *lol*
“You know, it was a year ago this week that I debuted on ECW and lotta people, actually (<- there it is again *ha*) most people, said that when I came back to the WWE that maybe I should have made a bigger IMPACT (<- I thougth it was funny!) that a somehow being on ECW was like a demotion. Well, I never looked at it like that (<- right, sure you didn’t *ha* But I gotta say, hew stole the show at every event when touring with SD – so it was good for him and good that Vince got to see that Christian fucking rules).
See, I’ve been in this business a long time, 15+ years and ECW to me feels like home. ECW gave me a chance, ECW gave me the ball and I ran with it. ECW let me reconnect and compete with one of my oldest and best friends, the conerstone, the glue of ECW for so many years, Tommy Dreamer.
ECW let me mentor up and coming Superstars like Yoshi Tatsu, he has a huge future, he does. And the best part of all is that I got to do most of it as the ECW-Champion! And I stand before all of you, my peeps, the longets regnign current Champion in the WWE.
Tonight I fight for every ECW-original, who wanted these 3 letters to mean something. Tonight I fight for every young ECW-Superstar in the back that’s trying to find their way.
(ECW-Chants)
Tonight, ECW goes away forever, but I will always be proud that I was a part of something great and I’ll…I’ll always be very proud to say that I was the last ECW-Champion!”
Now wouldn’t that be rad? But as usual, when somethign is supposed to happen, WWE decides to go a differnt path.
Extreme Rules ECW-Championship-Match
Ezekiel Jackson vs Christian
This is what happend:
Regal got chased away with NO mic-time *hmpf*, Ryder interfered, and then this:
I can’t even begin to tell you how much this pissed me off! Christian deserved to be the last Champion – period!
I don’t care about pushing Jackson, probably baecause I’ll never understand why someone would do such a thing – so WWE can take that reason and shove it up their candy ass!
RIDICULOUS!!!
And did I tell you that Hurricane was not even there at all? Yep, not one second of Hurricaneism, nothing, s’ like he never belonged. I hate WWE!
Imma need to cool down again:
*swoons*
Alright, time for SmackDown, which starts with Jericho (<- make me happy WWE *yay*), who comes in for a promo, looking suave in his suit.
He pucker’s his lips a lot (s’ funny) and graces us with the pleasure of hearing him talk:
“I’ve made a career of doing what none of you failures could ever hope and dream to do. I’ve made an artform out of accomplishing the impossible. I starred down the barrel of an instrumountable odd over and over and over and over again and yet I always come out on top (<- is it time for an inapporpriate dirty joke yet? *snickers*).
I did it when I beat the Rock and Stone Cold Steve Austin in the very same night to become the first undisputed Champion. I did it again when I humiliated Shawn Michaels in his own ladder match to be the World Champion again. And last friday, I did what so few have ever done, I drove the Phenom to his knees and I beat the Undertaker (<- he now flashes on hell of a gergous smile *sigh*).”
Look back on his win over Undertaker!
“I beat the Undertaker, I beat him, I beat the Undertaker, I beat the Undertaker (<- clearly, he’s making sure the moronic booker sunderstand him too *ha*).
I proved that the Deadman, is only a man. And if that wasn’t enough to cement my legendary status in this business forever, this Sunday, I’m gonna beat the odds agian when I enter the EC for the 6th time and become the World Champion for the 6th time.
You see average people, average people like all of you, when faced with adversities curl up and hide, lie to themselves, lie to everybody aroung them, hide behind delusions of grandur. I don’t hide behind anything, I don’t have too. I deal in reality and the reality is, on Sunday, I’m coming out of the EC, as the World…”
YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME
Edge arrives and by “Go”, I don’t know wether I can stand the 2 of them, looking as hot as they do, in one ring together tonight *lol* I might faint or something. DAMN! What a beautiful sight.
I mean, come on, look at this:
and this:
and this:
Are you getting my point yet?
“You know Chris, it’s refreshing, it’s refreshing to hear that you understand what a big deal it is to beat the Undertaker. I know, I’ve done it.
It’s an elite, elite club. It’s like sinking a hole-in-one, it’s like pittching a no-hitter, winning the Stanley-Cup, knocking out Muhammed Ali.
But it’s actually (<- and another one) bigger than all of these thing Chris and you did it.”
“Of course I did it Edge, cause I’m the best in the world at what I do” <- and then he smirks, I swoon, Edge looks like he’s annoyed.
“See Chris, you saying that illustrates the real problem with you and your littl eclip didn’t exactly show everything that happened last week (<- I forgot to mention that Jericho hsowed a clip of his win *oops* Sorry *ha*).
So why don’t, why don’t I just remind you what led to your cllip before. Shall we? Let’s see it.
And Chris don’t make any mistake about it, I didn’t do that to help you, I did it because the Undertaker kicked me in the face.
But see, that’s the problem with you Chris, you’re not as good as you think you are. As a matter of fact, I don’t ´think you would have beaten the Undertaker unless I speared him first.”
“You know what Edge, you shouldn’t be as concerned about the past as you are about the future (<- HUH? *lol*). Because ionce again, like I just said, I’m gonna the EC, it’s axiomatic, I’m going to win and when I do, do yourself a favour and stay away from me, please. Face the winner of the RAW-Chamber match at WM, but stay away from me, cause remember, when I’m around you Edge, bad things happen. ANd if you continue to annoy me, to poke me and prag me, I’m not just gonna beat you, I’m going to hurt you!”
You know Chris, the more I hear your voice buzzing around in my head, saying the same things over and over and over again, the more I wanna knock that condisending, hollier than thou look of your face for good!
So Chris, I almost hope that you win the EC, so I can do it.
Now Chris, you shouldn’t be concerned about what I can do to you in the future, you should be concerned about what I can do to you right now!”
Light flickers, which is a dead giveaway that we are going to see th Undertaker do the same shit he does week, after week, after week, after fucking week.
Then this:
A spear, Jericho get’s right up (<- weird much), leaves, Edge’S looks after him, segment over.
After some more look’s back, they announce Kane vs Drew McIntyre at the EC-PPV – well if that aint the match the world has waited for *ugh
Next is:
Kane vs Dolph Ziggler
…and I am starting to feel like Bill Murray did in “GroundhogDay”
(Warning: a lot of htis has already been tweeted *ha*)
Seriously, how many times can one sit though Drew vs JoMo vs Kane vs Dolph Ziggler without getting sick of it? I know I’ve reached my limit like 5 weeks ago, yet I still have to watch this every freaking week, knowing very well who will win and why *argh* Enough already!
Striker talks about some statistics, “5% of all Intercontinental Champions are hung like horses”…ok, maybe me memory is deciving me, but that ‘s what I heard. Could have bben somehting like “40% moce on to become Champions”, but who cares
Speaking of penis, don’t tellme I am the only one seeing this week after week on different Wrestlers, but damn did Zigglers penis pocked out of his spandex or what?
I could hardly concentrate on the epic match that was taking place there *rolls eyes*
McIntyre comes in, Kane wins, Drew attacks, fails, gets thrown out by Kane – The End.
Rey Mysterio is getting interviewed by “whatshisface” backstage, while I am asking myself how in the world he is so fucking over, made it so big, with absolut ZERO mic-skills. How?
Don’t get me wrong, that guy had some awesome matches and surely is great when it comes to technique and all, but as soon as he opens his mouth, all that comes out of it is boring, overdramatic and all words are chopped off. Hideous!
He bitches about our Saviour a little and as much as I’m trying, I can not remember anything else he said *ha*
Another lokk back, this time it’s actually for a purpose though: Newly crowned ECW-Champion Ezekiel Jackson is coming to SmackDown!
WHAT? Dear “God”, I was hoping they’ll send his ass to RAW (“Where the big Losers play”), but no, of course, whenever I think it’s a good idea, WWE does the exact opposite *meh*
Speaking of *meh* – I think I will refere to him as Big Meh from now on – better then Big Zeke *ha*).
CrymeTyme vs Croft/Barreta
The only thing remotly interesting about this was Striker and Grisham, who kept dissing each other *ha* Well, most of the dissing was done by STriker, but you know what I mean.
This also featured somehting that made my inner 12 year old giggle:
Todd: “I thought you don’t like videogames?”
Matt: “Hand/Eye combination, important in other places too!” *giggles* My mind is a dirty dirty place and apparently, so is Striker’s *he*
Oh and by the way, CrymeTyme won (Shad over Trent).
“Whatshisface” and John Morrison backstage and aww, JoMo is so pretty when quite. He answer boring questions with boring answers, until R-Truth coems along and delivers the cheesiest promo this side of Matt Hardy.
Silly shit, nobody cares, let’s move on shall we?
The Straight Edge Society comes into the ring (not wihtout a look back on last friday of course). Striker hypes a lot, but still not like he used too. He does call Serena the “Anti-Diva” and that’s about as funny as it gets there.
Punk’s promo is pretty damn great and I don’t htink I can do it justice by scripting it´! The fact that I am already like 2 days late and the cold have of course nothing to do with this decision at all *hehe*
I think you should look at it yourself, really, you should, pretty entertaining stuff:
Punk is playing the insane Saviour – role so good, I might start to believe he’s only being himself *lol* Love it!!!
Lot’s of bromance going on, brought to you by the ever-touchy hands of Luke Gallows.
And in case you were wondering where you had heard “I find your lack of faith disturbing” before, Punk’s inner Nerd stole that from Darth Vader:
Yep, knowing that makes me a nerd as well I guess, but I am not one of those hardcore Star Wars fans. Matter of fact, not a fan at all. Good movies, but no need to freak out about them.
I digress…
^^^Aww, you see that look on Punk’s face? Adorable ain’t it
Puke vs JoMo/R-Truth
Now, I’m wondering about JoMo. why the hell would you wanna comoete when your foot’s broken? Or is it a work? Didn’t look like one and hasnt been reported as one. So I ask again: Why don’t you take a few days off? Weird!
There’s some fire and thunder during the match, which is sign #2 that the Undertaker will show up sooner or later.
The match itself ain’t bad. Inevedibly it ended with JoMo’s foot being attacked by Punk, refere ringing the bell and Punk not stopping. Surprised? Nah.SES keep beating up JoMo & R-Truth until Mysterio runs in and “attacks” Punk (who pratically stood ther eand waited for it) unitl he’s being beat by Puke.
SES celebrates a little and then we’ll get to see yet another fucking look back. This time, they show us the hideous accident-angle again.
I do like to state that R-Truth did a quite horrible job there at times. Example? Well, at one point, he was to beat up to reach JoMo, but in the next second able to jump up and slap Punk. Bad acting overall! Yet another surprise there *ha*
Teddy wants to take action against HBK and Vickie tells Mickie (<- *ha*) that she will compete against McCool next week, with herself as special refere.
Greta Khali/Matt Hardy/Maria vs Hart Dynasty
Bad acting, bad angle, bad bad bad! And matching purple pants. MATCHING PURPLE PANTS!!!
Apparently Hardy decided to eat JoMo’s much needed sandwhich for lunch (Soory, was to obvious, couldnt resist):
Besides some Strikerism, I have nothing good to say about this – period! Waste of Tv-time, waste of Hart Dynasty and MAN, do I not like Maris.
Why? Why? Why?
There is not a single interesting thing about this “feud”, this so-called Tag-Team of Khali & Matt, Maria’ fake-dating Hardy – nothing!
I wanted to rant on and on about this, but I am tired now,so I won’t *lol* Waste of energy!
Striker ” Natty by nature, naughty by choice and insane by genetics” *lol* Nice
Natalya wins over Maria, who storms off because she’s pissed.
Matt runs after her, they’re backstage, deliver a chessy ass BS promo, McCool & Layla come along, act like Teenagers a lot, Maria runs off again, Matt’s mad (“Children, would you please grow up”) and runs after her again!
Batista vs Edge
Finally, some more hotness! And I am definety NOT talking about Batista here
After playing around a little, Batista decides to leave. Edge grabs a mic and insults him a bit to make him come back. Sadly, he does.
The match isn’t long or good.
Grisham: “…this is a whole different animal…literally!” *ha*
Edge spears Batista, the light goes out and who would have guessed it, Undertaker standing in ring once they’re back on. He chokeslams Edge.
In the end, Undertaker is on the ramp, Edge is standing in the ring, Jericho comes from behind and gives him the “Codebreaker”, Staredown and gestures Undertaker vs Jericho, Jericho makes me giggle.
I would say that I hope Jericho wins the Title blablabla, but since it is Monday night, I already know what happened at the EC-PPV. Don’t woory, I’ll write about that in the next blog.
NXT will debute this Tuesday and personally, I can’t wait to see what they’ll have in store for us. They claim it’s “reality Tv”, but here’s me guessing (and hoping) that they will just act like it is.
This could be fun to watch, especially since it does feature 4 out my Top5 *ha*
8 Pro’s & 8 Rookies
The Miz – Daniel Bryan (Also known as Brian Danielson *ugh* Who thinks of this shit?)
Chris Jericho – Wade Barrett
Matt Hardy – Justin Gabriel
William Regal (who Is replacing MVP thankfully, for whatever reason *yay*) – Skip Sheffiled
Carlito (huh?) – Michael Tarner
Christian – Heath Slater
CM Punk – Darren YOung
R-Truth – David Otunga
I will not judge until I’ve seen, so no more now, I am tired:
P.s. In case you live under a rock, the headline is a quote from “Batman” and yes, I chose this because of Chris and Edge being all serious.
Oh man, I’m having a really hard time to find “my muses” to write this weekly blog. Why? Because most what happened at WWE shows this week was LAME!
So can I write anything remotely interesting about it? Colour me puzzled, but I’m gonna try my best.
I could not even think of a good and fitting headline for this, so I chose the one you see up there ^^^. It’s self-explanatory really.
Let me start with a quote from JBL that amused me:
“RAW did 3.7 and they are happy? Shawn Michaels and I did 4.1′s, Ron and I did an 8.6. JBL Number 1 free agent in entire Wrestling? I think so. I draw number’s.”
Now, I wasn’t the biggest fan of JBL’s in-ring-skills, but his mic-work was always amusing to say the least, and while I do not agree with him being the guy that draws ALL the numbers, I do see his point here.
How come WWE settle’s for so much less nowadays? Is there a reason to be happy when your numbers are shit compared to what they used to be?
Frankly, I don’t think so! But yet WWE (or Vince) does nothing to improve…or do they?
I got to say, they last few weeks (with the exception of this week), all 3 shows got better, had a little more edge to them (<- no pun intended, although it’s funny how the shows instantly got better with his return), a little rougher.
RAW’s awesomeness seems to rely on the weekly “Guest Host” a lot more than it should, but thankfully, it’ll all be done in March. Let’s hope they reinstall a General Manager then too (REGAL!).
SmackDown was the superior show for most, if not all, of 2009. Then, it got a bit lame too, but right now, with the SES stable, Edge/Jericho, it seems to be improving again.
ECW relies on Christian and Regal mostly, which was fine when the 2 feuded, but now? I think it’s a good thing that ECW is no more. NXT will hopefully only feature guys on their way up (or not!) and the end of ECW hopefully means that a few of my favourites (Helms, Regal, Christian) can move on to bigger and better things.
The annual “spring-cleaning” will of course matter in all this as well. Who will get the “future endeavours” letter? Well, I sure hope it wont be anybody I care for *ha*
With RAW and SD getting a bit more “attitude-ish” and the new show supposedly focusing on new talent, we will probably see some pretty good shows here soon – think positive right *ha*
Unfortunately, this past week was not the week it cold have been. Who to blame? I’d say the writers, the lame host of RAW and mainly the Devil, also known as Vince McMahon
RAW starts with a lot of smoke and spinning wheels. If you didn’t know who’d be tonight’s host, now you might have guessed it: Another NASCAR driver *ugh* Right…
Anyway, the car arrives inside the arena and out comes: Hornswoggle *another ugh*
Cole: “At least it was a short drive”
Lawler: “Oh please” <- while laughing a lot
Kelly Kelly introduces the actual Host and by “God”, as pretty as she is, her voice is aggravating.
He (I can not remember the guy’s name and am way too lazy to look it up now, which is why I will refer to him as “Dude” from here on out) walks to the ring, accompanied by, you guessed it, The Bella’s (<- if I write *ugh* one more time, will you still keep reading? *ha*).
Cypress Hill’s “Rise up” is the official theme song for the Elimination Chamber PPV and I suppose the irony is lost on most people working at WWE office. Cypress Hill-song? Family friendly? I’m loving it *ha*
Dude does a backflip from the top-rope, had the voice of a 12-year-old and gives the audience what they want = cheap pops.
He kinda disses the other 2 Nascar drivers that hosted last year by saying: “…showed you just how charismatic and eloquent us Nascar-drivers can be” (<- he got that right). Also, he doe not fail to mention that him and John Cena are BFF’S *lol*.
Just when I thought to myself “Could this be any more boring?”, Sheamus feels the need to show up. He demands to be the last participant to enter the EC, threatens Dude a bit more and then, in an exciting turn of events (<- that is if no one spoilered you before *grrr*), Christian’s music hits *yay*
“Carl Edwards (<- ah, that was his name *lol*) is nice to meet ya’, I’m the ECW-Champion Christian and I gotta say, I gotta say I’m a huge fan and you might not know this but NASCAR, it’s getting huge in Canada, it’s blowing up (<- says the guy who lives in Florida, as far as I remember *ha*). Actually, it makes me almost happy we got denied the WMBA franchise. “
Sheamus: “What are you doing here? How dare you (<- coming out here and making me aware of my missing mic-skills?) interrupt me? (<- ah, ok)”
Christian: “What am I doing here, actually I came here to talk to you. You see, last week Edge came out here live on RAW and said that he was gonna face either you, or the Undertaker in the ME at WM, without one mention of myself or the ECW-Championship and I got to admit I was a little bit offended. But then it all started to make sense cause later that week Mr. McMahon came out, and he said that in 2 weeks time, ECW would be going off the air. And it will be replaced by new programming, actually he said, the next evolution of WWE programming.”
Sheamus: “And that makes you, a lame, dock Champion”
Christian: “Actually (<- damn he says that A LOT doesn’t he) snaggletooth you’re the one that’s lame (<- *ha* tru dat). You know it’s obvious to me that you take some pride in the way that you look. I mean you spent a ton of money obviously on hair-gel and on beard-trimmers for your man-scaping, but I’m just wondering, what happens, ah, did you run out of money by the time you get to the tanning-salon?”
Sheamus: “Quite the comedian aren’t you? What is it Christian, did you come here to make jokes did ya’? The only thing funny, is the fact that you’re gonna be unemployed in 2 weeks. “
Christian: ” Actually (<- 5 times so far *damn*) you see, that’s where you’re wrong, because in 2 weeks every Superstar on ECW, will become a free-agent (<- yeah right), which means they are free to sign to whatever show they want to. You know, I started to get the feeling lately that all my Peeps right here on RAW were starting to miss me! So I figure I’d show up this week, dip my toes in and test the waters and challenge you to a match, right here tonight! Yeah, you see Carl, we can make some history tonight you know. The ECW-Champion versus the WWE-Champion! Sheamus hey, we’re both here, we’re both Champions, we were both born without last names (<- *lol*), it makes perfect sense to me. Carl, you can make this happen!”
Sheamus doesn’t wanna waste his time with Christian, but Carl-Dude says why wait, get a referee in and do it right now.
Christian vs Sheamus
The match was pretty good and considerably long, but sadly, Sheamus got to win a little to clean in my eyes *hmpf*
Jerry Lawler brought you the following, when they figured Christian might actually beat Sheamus, which would be embarrassing for the WE-Champ:
“Well it would be embarassing, but it sure would be fun to watch” *ha*
Christian had a lot of purple on his pants, but I decided it’s not enough to become a member of the “real men wear purple club” just yet *hehe*
but, be sure, my girl @Sara_1979 (twitter) and me are always on the lookout here *ha*
*swoon*
We see DX in their locker room now and it pretty much went like this.
Shawn: “Yeah, maybe I went a little nuts, let’s make up, is all good, blabla,DX is important”
Hunter: “Too little too late”
As you might be able to tell, I can’t be arsed to script this now, even though it did not suck and made the entire Shawn-storyline more interesting, step by step (<- uhh baby *sings*).
It did seem like the start of the DX-break-up, soon to take place at a PPV near you.
Sidenote: Hunter has won 4 out of the 5 EC’s he was in. Jericho has eliminated the most guys (7), but he never won. Him and H³ are also the ones with the most participation (5 each).
BTW: I am ignoring the 1023 times that we get to see that “After RAW went off air” – crap. Just so you know!
Next are Code Rhodes and Ted DiBiase, also in the locker room (a different one I suppose).
Code: “Yo must be pretty proud of yourself huh?”
Ted: “What? Qualifying for the EC? Yes, yes I am”
Cody: “Yeah, you know, I had to fight John Cena and who did you have to face? Oh, it was Mark Henry right? I beat Henry”
Ted: “Stop wining, If you had what it took to beat Cena, you’d be in the EC with Randy and I”
Cody: “So, you would have beat Cena?”
(Sidenote: You wanna know how often spell-check and especially grammar check underlines shit Wrestlers said that I script here? Constantly! *ha* besides being annoying, it’s quite amusing)
Ted: “People say we are alike, but now it’s obvious I am better than you” (<- you totally stole that one. Give it back … NOW!)
Cody: “What makes you better? You’re movie?”
Ted: “Maybe”
Randy: “interesting”, some more blabla and then he announces that Ted and Cody will have matches tonight. Ted vs Cena, Cody vs Randy.
Tag-Team-Title-Match
DX vs SES (aka PUKE) vs ShowMiz
After Puke’s entrance, Punk decided to grab a mic a give us a little speech. When it was time to write about it (now), I could not for the life of me find the video online anywhere. My guess is WWE had all the usual sources take it down *hmpf* Now, if my computer and wwe.com would work together a little better, I could have looked for it on there, but unfortunately, my computer crashes often when I even try to enter wwe.com *lol* Nevermind watching videos . So really, there was no legal or illegal way left or me to re-watch it.
I asked my girl @tobiola_ on twitter if she would spare her precious time and write that stuff down for me and being the great chick she is, she agreed.
So this next part is only here thanks to @tobiola_ , who should by the way, consider writing herself in my opinion.
(Sorry, I had to *ha*)
“I don’t think it’s any big secret that this region of the country when falling on hard times, turns to drugs and alcohol.
Which makes it all the more sad, when you actually have something to celebrate like Mardi Gras or your little football game that you won, you also turn to drugs and alcohol.
You see, you do this because you are weak. You do this because you are less than.. You do this because you do not know any other way.
Now tonight for the rest of the world deems this region of the country unsavable, myself and Luke Gallows will win the unified TT championships and show you people why SE means: I’m better than you.
And now would be the time during the show, when those of you at home would place your hand upon you television screen, and you would look to me to save one lost soul here in Lafayette and luckily we have a “celebrity” in the house. I’m of course talking about Jared from Subway (<- *ugh*)
Yes Jared, please, please stand up! You know, Jared – you actually kinda remind yourself of me. You preach to millions of people, and those millions of people look up to you and they follow in your footsteps.
But Jared I’ll be honest, the SES is looking for a good minister of propaganda. And while you’re a great spokesperson for Subway you’d be so much better on this side of the fence. That’s right, I’m looking at you to be the spokesperson for the SES.
What do you say? You don’t wanna come into the ring and raise your hand and accept CM Punk as your savior? I had a feeling that you would say no Jared, that’s why I’m prepared to make an example out of you. And I’m gonna make an example out of you right now. Luke, Serena, go get me Jared from Subway…”
Right after this, DX’s music hit, which made us (the girls and me) giggle, since the line “You think that you’re better” is included in their theme *ha* How fitting…
The match itself was very good, no surprise there.
HBK pinned Punk after some “Sweet Chin Music”, much to my dismay *sniffle*
Luke pretty much carried Punk out of the arena, so cute *ha*
The match ended when HBK tagged himself in, him and Hunter looking at each other, Hunter not happy, Miz with the roll-up and we have new TT-Champions.
Here’s a few pictures:
This happened:
Then this:
Oh man, I could easily crack some really perverted jokes right now, but you know what..I want YOU to do this: CAPTION THIS-CONTEST! Best caption wins a price and gets mentioned or something *ha*. And yes, I am serious! Send me your thoughts on this…uhmmm…situation and the one that makes me laugh the most, wins.
Moving on now!
Right before the roll-up:
And after:
Don’t know how much I like this. I mean, pretty much copying Jericho like that? If this would lead to a feud, I’d be the first to yell *hooray*, but it wont, so it’s kinda dumb.
I get the need to give the Big Show a job too, but why The Miz? He’s on a roll with his singles.career, does he really need Big Show to “help” him get on?
I hope this will not end in them 2 feuding – I’ll riot *lol*
BTW: Cole called the EC a “16ton, unsympathetic, heartless, merciless prison” <- Way to exaggerate huh?
The Miz and Big Show talked to “whatshisface” after the match and besides telling us how great this is, yadda yadda yadda, Big Show also totally stole my name (ShowMiz) and the explanation for it *lol*
Seriously, read my blog from a few weeks ago and then listen to his bit, you’ll know what I mean.
Also, I’d like to state that I did not read the name “ShowMiz” anywhere before I wrote said blog, but I did after. But yes, I know I wasn’t the only one who thought of it, but imma act like it anyway *lol* JK!
“Just Shawn” is running around backstage, yelling “Where is he?”, until he finds whom he was looking for: Teddy Long *ugh*
HBK: “Teddy”
Teddy: “Shawn”
HBK: “Ssshhh, listen to me, LISTEN! Teddy please, I need you to trade me to SmackDown”
Teddy: “What about you and DX at Wrestlemania?”
HBK: “I dont care about DX, you trade me to SD and take one of the guys out of the EC and put me in, then I can win SDEC and become Champ, then I give the Undertaker a re-match at WM and then, not only retain the Title, but finally end the undertaker’s streak. You can do this, make it happen, do it now!”
Teddy says that EC is set and he can’t change it, can’t just take one of the guys out and so on.
“Just Shawn” grabs him by the collar and H³ comes along.
H³: “What are you doing? Has this obsession gone this far? You’re willing to throw DX away huh? Your career?
HBK: “My carrer…is over”
HBK superkicks Teddy into oblivion and then -> exit stage left!
Jillian vs Gail Kim
Maryse is on commentary and the match lasts about 30 seconds. Kim wins, Maryse goes into the ring and acts all friendly with her., “May the better woman win”. They even shake hands.
In case you are curious, Maryse said the following in french (courtesy of @tobiola_ yet again, who speaks more languages than anyone I know *lol*)
“I know you won’t believe me, but you smell like garbage from 100 feet away from me!” Some more talk about bad smells and then: “”I look at you and all I see is one of those pitiful girls” and calls Gail “less than nothing”.
We see a “Hall of Fame” video hyping Ted DiBiase’s inducting. I giggled a lot during this career-highlights-video. Reminded me of a lot of good stuff.
Next we see Guest-Host-Dude, Santino and Subway-Jared. I have no idea what this was about, but at some point Kofi Kingston comes along as well and at the end, Dude decides to put all 6 EC-participants into single-matches against each other next week.
Cody Rhodes vs Randy Orton
Cole calls this “though love” and I think I just threw up in my mouth a little *meh*
Sheamus walking in distracts Randy a bit and after the crossroads, Cody actually (<- I AM CHRISTIAN! As in the guy, not the religion!) wins this one *gasp* Good for him…moving on.
Sheamus beats up Orton for a minute, until Rhodes finally decides to “chase” (<- slowest “chase” ever) him off.
“whatshisface” and Dude Edwards are backstage and we are now being informed that next week on RAW, we*ll get to see the following matches:
1. Orton vs Sheamus
2. DiBiase vs Kingston
3. HHH vs Cena
*ugh* Now, while Ted vs Kofi could be pretty good, the rest does not excite me a bit.
Ted DiBiase vs John Cena
Cena, he just runs in and starts beating on Ted. He continues to do so outside and when he’s finished, gets a mic. Cena didn’t come here to have a match (<- and why would he right? It’s not like we’re watching aWrestling-show…wait? What?), addresses Batista, says he doesn’t wanna know why he beat John into a pulp, he can’t change it, “I just wanna fight”.
“Superman” calls out Batista a million times, who fails to show up *yay*
Cena wonders if Batista’s scared and adds “You should be” before moving on to addressing Vince, saying how maybe it was a business decision. He feels Vince is behind this attack, because he did call the Boss “pathetic” 2 weeks prior to them, so “If I’m not fighting Batista, I’d really wanna talk to Vince”.
Vince shows up with about 10 security-guards, Cena is getting angrier by the second, Boss decides to walk inside of the ring with no securities, talks about how he screwed Bret again and how he had nothing to do with Batista’s attack on Cena later that night.
Some talk about money, cheap-heat by dissing Luisianna and by “God” this must be one of the most boring things I ever had to write about. Not the the SL completely sucks, that aint it, but it was delivered in such a dry manor, it almost made me fall asleep *ha*
John gets cheap-pop’s by mentioning the Superbowl-win, says he’ll win the EC. He mentions how he got a chance to talk to Bret Hart last week (<- just like Borash eh) and how…I hope you’re sitting down for this…Bret wants to wrestle another match…at WM…against Vince McMahon.
As much as I am fine with that SL, I DON’T want to see that match *meh*
Vince: “No he doesn’t”
Cena: “Yes he does, here’s your chance, your moment, spotlight’s on you (<- this time, I will include that Nash/NWO-WcW-video here *ha*), WrestleMania, money or moment?”
Vince does not think that Bret want’s any of this and John continues to push him, pressure him, until finally Vince just yells, to Cena’s face, “Yes, yes, yes”.
Cena’s satisfied, but there’s one more person to tell. Vince talks shit about Bret until Bret actually shows up and attacks him from behind.
After a bit of commotion, Vince leaves, saying how he changed his mind and the answer is now “No”.
Hart destroys most of the “furnishing”, trashes the commentators table and once he’s back in the ring, RAw goes off air.
In case you were wondering about Ted DiBiase, he was never seen again after he got beat like he did. Way to build up people WWE *ugh*
Raw = lame
Let me end this with The Miz, or better said a picture of him I recently stumbled over and that made me laugh:
*ha* Doesn’t that look like the typical photoshoot-picture from those Teenage-magazines?
I won’t even bother writing about ECW, since there was nothing to write (home) about. NOTHING! Pretty much like all shows this week (<- get the title now eh *hehe*).
My usual Christian-swooning has already been taken care of on RAW, so let’s move on to SmackDown shall we? ACTUALLY, let’s swoon some more first:
SmackDown 02-12-10
Speaking of swooning,
I can see the old, hot Punk behind all that hair, which by the way is getting worse by the week. In other news, I think our Saviour has lost some weight recently (belly).
Him and Serena are holding hands during their entrance, which I am sure does not sit well with either Luke or Striker. Poor guys *aww*
When Rey comes to the ring, Striker announces that”..has the support of the entire WWE-universe” (<- …the entire wwe-universe?…No…in a small…nevermind, but he sure does not have my support).
Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk
Striker hyped Punk a little during the, very good, match, but nothing is left of the love he used to have.
Did he give up for good? I’ll keep you updated over the next few weeks.
Punk’s second baseball-slide looked retarded, his “psycho-looking-eyes make me giggle (very nice acting) and Serena either has huge boobs or her top is just cut like that *ha*
At some point CM blows a kiss in Rey’s direction…I have nothing to say…too easy eh
Serena and Luke kinda interfere, but it doesn’t work and Rey wins this with a roll-up/in. Wait? Another roll-up? Has WWE taken a pledge to end all matches with roll-up’s now?
The “lovely, diabolical Serena” (<- Striker), Luke and Punk beat up Rey a lot after that and it all ends like this:
*Hooray* fro Psycho-Punk!
BTW: That match featured some “Fuck you” – chants from the audience, that were of course edited out.
McIntyre has a new entrance theme and I think it’s boring, but whatever. I did however, for the first time, see that he has the prettiest blue eyes. Damn! Not that I dig the guy…I mean yes, his body looks good I’d say, but he aint my type AT ALL. Plus, his face is kinda weird *lol*
I tried my best to find a picture that shows his eyes, but failed, so instead, I give ya’ this:
In one of the most boring speeches ever, he tells us how he’s unstoppable and undefeated. Kane comes in, but Drew declares he much rather wants to have that match, maybe, next week.
Drew McIntyre vs Kane
As you can tell, Kane wanted it now and he got it. Match was alright, ended in a Double count-out. and I kept asking myself “Who gives a fuck?” and “Why am I seeing this?” *ugh* Another senseless “feud” brought to you by WWE… thanks a bunch!
Mickie James and a table of food *ugh* Yep, Michelle and Layla are there as well. After some talking, James slaps some cottage-cheese (or whatever) out of Michelle’s hand and it lands all over Vickie Guerrero. Mickie bails, while “Team Flawless” kiss some ass.
Mickie James vs Layla
AFter a few seconds, Vickie shows up, excuses herself a bunch of times and announces that this will now be a handicap-match.
Funniest thing about this was that when she first came out, Striker said: “There’s my Valentine” *ha* But what about Punk?
FYI: They had talked about not having Valentines earlier.
Mickie James vs Michelle McCool/Layla
Match is short and Team Annoying wins.
Next up is Batista, who technically wants to ive an explanation for his actions lately. I give you a play-by-play cause I have no idea how else to describe it to ya’.
He walks in the ring and “wahtshisface” tries to ask him questions:
He takes the mic away from him, acts like he wants to say something, look sat “whatshisface”, who then runs away real fast.
Cena-chants!
He sits on the top-rope in the corner, raises mic, nothing.
He leaves the ring, walks around the ring once, only stops to stare at a guy with a Cena-shirt.
Back in the ring, drops the mic, leaves ring, walks away.
You suck – chants!
Yells a bunch of stuff like “You want an explanation?”
Gets back in ring, grabs mic again, drops it again and leaves AGAIN!
Yep, this was all a bit weird. Not that I am complaining that the “King of Micwork” didn’t talk *lol* but .. you know.
Worst thing about it was his outfit though *argh* I bitched about that a lot on twitter, so I won’t get into it again, but believe me when I tell ya’, it was hideous.
Teddy Long *ugh* comes out and wonders, since Batista refused to compete, refused an explanation, maybe he feels like competing against EDGE next week on SmackDown.
Edge = *yay*
vs Batista = *nay*
Striker is all worked up over this: “Actions speak louder than words. What exactly is it that Batista said tonight?” (<- How about “I can’t wrestle or hold promos, so I didn’t” ? Just sayin’ )
Matt Hardy and Khali come in and Matt wishes everybody a Happy Valentines Day, also introducing (and hugging) his Valentine, Maria *another ugh*
Matt Hardy/Great Khali vs Hart Dynasty
Match was pretty boring. Striker dissed Bret some, Maria and Natalya got into it, Matt wins with a, you guessed it, roll-up, after like 2 minutes.
R-Truth vs John Morrison
I despise face-vs-face”-lets-shake-hands-before-match”-Matches.
Heel vs Heel = great
Face vs Heel = kinda the whole point
Face vs Face = BORING!
But, the match didn’t last long, because within the first minute, JoMo landed freakishly on his ankle and broke it in 3 different places!
Since he’s currently wrestling in South-America and tweeted about “walking it off”, I say: Kudos! He sure aint no pussy!
Time for some hotness, here’s Edge
Yeah, I don’t really dig the white sweater, but who cares.
“I’m out here to talk about the benefits of winning the RR and there’s a benefit a lot of people seem to look past. I mean, not only do you go on to MEWM, but the winner of the rumble does not compete in one of the most brutal career-shortening matches in WWE-history, the EC:
See, because that match, it’s a combination ol luck, skill and human ability to absorb pain (<- like watching WWE-programm huh?). There’s no prediction what can happen in that match, but the one thing I can predict, is that I will face whoever survives. Whether that’s the WWE-Champion or the WHC.
You see, potentially, I could end up facing my old buddy in RatedRKO, Randy Orton. Or I could face a guy that I faced last year at WM, John Cena. Or on the flip side of that, I could face the winner of SDEC. maybe it’s Rey Mysterio or maybe it’s the Lovechild of Brutus the Barber Beefcake and Charles Manson, CM Punk (>- THAT, made me lol).
I could potentially face, 12 different Superstars for a Championship at WM. But, I have to admit there’s one guy that stand out from the pack (<- if you thought he would talk about Jericho, you’re wrong *ha*). You see, there’s a few people who have main evented and won at WM, a select few, but there’s only one guy, who is undefeated at WM. There’s only one guy who is 17:0 at WM, and that man is the Undertaker.
But you see folks (<- he says “you see” more than Christian says “actually” huh?), it’s really out of my hands, it’s out of my hands who I’m gonna face at WM, but there is one match that I know will take place. See next week on SD, I will face Batista and Big Dave there is not another person that I would love to beat more than you…”
Jericho’s music hits. Made me smile a lot how Edge deliberately ignored him as a possibility *hehe*:
“You know Edge I find it a little ironic and maybe it’s a cobination of stupidity or arrogance or just one of the other (<- huh? and yes, he did say it like that), but it seems strange that you never mention me as a potential opponent for you at WM. But I understand the reason why,I don’t blame ya’ , I know you don’t like me and that’s because I’m a bad-luck-charm for you. When I’m around you, bad things happen Edge!”
You suck-chants!
“I was there the night you tore your Achilles tendon and I saw you writhing in pain, clutching at your heel and screaming. And I was there 7 month later when you made your return at the RR and I have to admit I don’t know what it’s like to make a triumphant return from injury because, I don’t get injured.
I just win Championships and carry this entire company on my back, because that’s what you do, when you’re the best in the world and I am the best in the world at what I do.
So let me give you a little advice and I want you to listen to me when I’m telling you this: Save yourself some grieve, give yourself a fighting chance at Wm and chose the winner of the RAWEC and stay away from me. Because in 9 days, I’m going to win the SDEC and I’m gonna walk out the World Champion (<- kinda the point aint it) and that’s a guarantee, so once again Edge, I’m telling you right to your face, man to man, stay away from me, because if you continue to provoke me, if you continue to antagonize me, bad things are going to happen to you once again. Do you understand what I’m saying (<- well, since you repeated it all about 3 times…what do you mean?).
And if you or any of these liars (<- lame insult once again) have any doubt that what I’m saying is the truth, then watch what happens tonight when I beat the *shrugs* so-called Deadman, who destroyed you at WM 2 years ago. Watch what happens, when I beat the Undertaker, tonight.”
Undertaker’s music hits, Edge stays for commentary.
Now, Edge on commentary should make me happy right? Just like that promo just now should have made me happy…but, sadly, I still think it’s all a bit serious plus I expected way more from those two.
And his commentary was all serious, not to say boring, too.
The match was not bad, these things happened:
Undertaker kicked Edge in the face, back in ring powerbombed Jericho, Edge speared Undertaker and I wouldn’t believe it if I hadn’t seen it myself, Jericho PINS Undertaker for the WIN after the codebreaker!
Despite that spear, an almost clean win over the Undertaker? ANd by pinfall nonetheless? Oh wow, they are really back to pushing Jericho aren’t they?
Colour me happy
Only thing is, if Jericho indeed wins the EC and it’s him vs Edge for the Title at WM, I have that bad feeling that Chris will lose his title after only having it for a few weeks, which would suck.
Don’t get me wrong, I like Edge as a Champ, but Jericho has earned this, by pretty much running all shows in 2009. Plus, Edge’s been the Champ like 9 times or so and I think now, it’s Jericho’s turn.
But, we’ll see what they come up with right? After all, if Chris wins the EC, doesn’t the undertaker get a re-match?
Question and nothing but questions!
SD ends with a pissed off looking Undertaker and Jericho leaving the arena pretty satisfied.
SD = pretty lame
That’s all folks, I have nothing more to add. This week should have been great, but it really wasn’t. Mediocre to say the least!
One last thing: I was hoping since Christian went on RAW to test the waters, he’d show up on SD as well. He didn’t and that kinda tells us they wanna move him to RAW doesn’t it?
Man, I hope not. I much rather see him on SD!
Let’s hope I get to write about more fun/good stuff next week, otherwise there won’t be a blog…and I mean that *ha*
P.s. Quote of the week comes from Jerry Lawler, who said the following on “Superstars”: “”I can’t wait to hear all the Jerry-chants next Monday, I’m gonna stand up and take several bows!” This was of course in regard of next Monday’s Host, Jerry Springer.
P.p.s. In case you were, like me, wondering what Dolph Ziggler was up to this week, he was only on “Superstars”. Fuck WWE!
This week’s heading is a quote from “Buffy”, as said by Spike. I find it fitting because: I smell attitude! *ha* People using profanity, puppies, the promos, it’s all getting a bit rougher at the moment and I am loving it!
Before I start with my look back at the Rumble, let me answer 2 questions that I got via email:
1. Do you remember everything they said too? – Of course I don’t silly. If you see me writing ABOUT a promo, it’s from memory. If you see me doing a word-by-word, play-by-play transcript, then it’s just that, a transcript. I have the audio running and am typing along.
2. Damn, you objectify them guys badly! – Not really a question there, but I have to add my 2 cents here, especially because a male member of society wrote this.
There are a million reasons to love watching Wrestling, but for me, there’s only about 5.
a) The soap-opera-story-telling-effect including awesome mic-work!
b) Admiring the agility, ability to not get hurt while jumping about and overall sport
c) The silliness
d) Swooning over guys/gals you’ll never be able to touch
I watch a Johnny Depp movie and I swoon!
I listen to Dave Grohl singing the Foo Fighters song “Drive me wild”, see him on stage and tell the whole world that I wanna marry a guy just like that – preferably actually him!
I dare one of you boys to tell me that when you are watching Megan Fox, you are interested in her intellect only. Right…
So, don’t get me wrong here, I do know they are just humans, like you and me, just prettier *lol* with flaws (<- want me to show you that mug shot again *ha*) and all. BUT: When I am writing this, I am writing about the Show they’re putting on and therefore, not about the “real” person behind the act.
In reality, I don’t ever judge people by their looks, NEVER, but this is solely for entertainment purposes and I’d like to keep “my men” they way I see them in my head.
None of this is reality-based so PLEASE, don’t take it so seriously.
And next time you watch that soft-porn music-video with Shakira & Beyonce, think about my words *hehe*
Now, let’s get to more important things here, the Royal Rumble!
The card itself was kinda *meh* and I will not write about the matches at all (although adding Miz vs MVP sure made me happy *ha*). I do wanna talk about the actual Battle Royal though. This PPV and it’s biggest match have always been my favourite. The last couple of years, that excitement had vanished, since I mostly didn’t care for the winners and you kinda were able to guess them to begin with.
Plus, the match had hardly any surprises left overall.
This year, a whole different thing! I felt like that Teenager again, watching HBK winning the RR twice, in a row, with the rope-dangeling and all. Back then, I sat in front of my TV (cause back then PPV’S were live on free Tv here *hmpf*), almost biting into a pillow, I was so excited.
This year, I felt that again.
First, CM Punk get to shine, throwing out 6 (!) Superstars, constantly being the only one in the ring and I laughed my ass off about him getting back on the mic in between throwing guys out. “Dear WWE-writers-staff, THAT was entertainment, that was rad!”
I am not just saying this as a fan of Punk, as I know first hand from people who don’t like Punk so much (looking at you T.), that they have enjoyed the little stunt as well.
Only sad and not so great booked thing about it was that they eliminated him way to early. They build him up and then let him “fall” again. Didn’t hurt him so much, but would have been better off without.
I’m not saying he should have won the RR (although I wouldn’t have complained about it *ha*), but a little more than just momentum would have been nice.
Edge!
We all kinda knew he was gonna come back, we all figured he would probably win the RR, but in the end, most of us marked out a little anyway (<- I know I did!)
He came, he saw, he conquered!
I did have the feeling he was still walking a little funny, sure hope he didn’t come back to early or will at least stay out of action until he’s a 100%. Don’t want him to be gone for another 7 month *argh*
Chris Jericho should have been in there longer with him me thinks. I read rumours that the initial plan was to have them as the last 2 men in the ring, but that it got changed to Cena a few hours before the PPV.
Why? Nobody knows. Of course there’s people writing it was because of the TMZ-incident (<- s’ what I call it), but I don’t know. not sure this would make a whole lotta sense there.
They did make that decision for whatever reason and I thought it was dumb!
So, yeah, WWE accomplished something they haven’t accomplished in a very long time: They got me all excited and jumping in front of my computer, so thanks for that!
“You think you know me”
Raw starts with Edge, who is all giddy *ha* He starts his in-ring-promo: “I’m baaaaack”. Technically, he’s still a Heel, but the crowd cheers and I guess we are all counting on him turning, because of Jericho, anyway.
Maybe he’s a “tweener” for now, who knows *shrugs*
He talks about siting at home, watching Jericho win belts, Slammy Awards and how the room got silent then (Sidenote: Chris thanked him for being injured at the Slammies). He then “realized who I am. I am the ultimate opportunist”. He rehabed harder than ever (<- me thinks this might all be “work”, not his injury, he still walks funny, but the whoel “wasnt supposed to be back for month”, I don’t know).
“And 7 weeks later, Jericho has his Slammy, he has his mug shot on TMZ (<- *lol*) and me, I have my ticket to the Main Event of WrestleMania (<- from now on refered to as MEWM)”
Edge says that the smart thing would be to wait till after the”Elimination Chamber PPV” (<- from here on out EC) to make his decision of whom to face for the Title at WM (<- sure, who cares about different Brands and Drafts anyway right? Certainly not WWE)
Edge is done it seems, his music hits, but is rudely interrupted by Sheamus’ music, who is on his way to the ring now.
Sheamus:
And then: “A lot has changed since you been gone Edge”
Edge: “Yeah, a lot has changed. It seems RAW has been taken over by an evil Ronald McDonald” *ha*
Sheamus: “blablabla…I defeated Cena!”
Edge: Woo, Newsflash: ”I have made a career out of beating Cena for the Championship”
Sheamus says he will win the EC, cause “if I can beat Cena and Orton, I won’t break a sweat beating you”.
He starts beating on Edge a little, but the rated-R-Superstar fights back furiously and spears him into oblivion.
Elimination Chamber Qualification Match
John Cena vs Cody Rhodes (<- who is now the newest member of the “real men wear purple”-club” *nah*)
I hope you dont expect me to write about the winner or how that match went. I think we all knew as soon as we saw who is fighting whom here *ha*
Of course, Cena won.
What was on my mind: Whats up with Rhodes walking the first few steps backwards? Weirdo – I hope he stumbles on of these days so I have something to laugh about. yep, I am totally mean like that *ha*
Also, I am happy to announce that little Cody and his new pants are now also a member of the “my penis is showing though my pants”- club *ewww*
And yes, I wrote MEMBER on purpose *ha*
BTW: The commentator informed us of the following during this match: “Remember, Sheamus is already in the EC-match” really? … REALLY?
Vince is “interviewed” by “whatshisface” backstage and states that he does not think Bret will show up. He then walks in to a room, starts talking to someone of camera, who then steps into the picture: William Shattner (<- Denny Crane – sorry for misspelling that last week).
Shattner says he can’t wait for Bret to embarrass Vince tonight.
Elimination Chamber Qualification Match
Jack Swagger vs HHH
The match is pretty good, albeit missing some technique, but of course, you guessed it, H³ triumphs. What a surprise eh?
And I am not even gonna start commenting on “wardrobe” here *ha*
DX and their mascot are in the locker room, but Hornswoggle gets send away again *yay* I’m lovin’ it!
“Just Shawn” is all serious and sad again.
H³: “About last night, superkickin’ me out of the rumble, what are you doing man? I would’ve never done that to you!…Nah, I’m kidding, I would have done that to you, I just didn’t get the chance to do it at the time. Hey, messing around here man, lighten up, what’s your problem?”
HBK: “Look, I appreciate that, but it wasn’t supposed to happen that way. (<- frustrated much?) I was gonna win the Rumble (<- I guess we have moved from I will… – to: I was gonna…). I was going to WM. I was gonna face the Undertaker. I was gonna defeat the undertaker. I was gonna beat the streak once and for all”
H³: “Shawn (<- thats “just Shawn” to you) you need to get this out of your head. You’re obsessed with this (<- you think?). Alright? You gotta let it go. I mean it went crazy last night. Superkicking referees, wines. You’re lucky you weren’t suspended, you lucky you’re here at all. Shawn your losing it man. You gotta get your stuff back together. What you need to do, is get yourself in the EC tonight. Once you’re in that chamber, I’m already in. YOu and I get in there there’s no stopping us. One of us will be walking out WWE-Champion and if that’s the case I have no problem going to Wm with you in the ME and tearing the house down in front of the whole world. Come on Shawn, you just gotta do one thin. All you gotta do tonight is beat Orton”
HBK: ” Thanks” (<- half-hearted much?)
Sidenote: Remember when I refered to Jericho as the highest paid jobber in all WWE? Yeah, I might have to take that back. Mmh, or not? I mean, HBK is the guy to go to, to bring guys over nowadays, but I still think Chris loses way more BS-matches.
Whatever…
Elimination Chamber Qualification Match
Randy Orton vs HBK
If I hear the words “Vintage Michaels” one more freaking time I might have to fly over there and make them commentators (COLE!) choke on them *argh*
Randy catches Michaels when he tries to jump up, roll-up and win for Orton.
Shawn aint happy, has another temper-tantrum.
NO, I do not dig Orton like that, but some might do. Plus, you can totally blame google picture search.
Randy and Ted are backstage and Ted says while he can’t speak for Cody, he is really sorry.
Orton stares at him, shakes his head some and leaves DiBiase looking dumbfounded.
Elimination Chamber Qualification Match
Ted DiBiase vs Mark Henry
The match was quick, made me happy because I can’t stand watching Henry for to long. Ted won -> *yay*
Maryse, Gail Kim and Kell Kelly backstage…moving on now.
Next, we see The Miz and Big Show, lounging in their chairs somewhere.
Miz: “I have no doubt TJ Hooker/Captain Kirk will give us a title match against DX”
Can someone, anybody, please get The Miz out of this Big Show crap??? Damn!
Punk and his disciples walk in (<- 2 in 1 for me = score *ha* and yes, I am talking about Miz and Punk…)
Miz: “What do you want?”
Punk: “Not anything you have Miz (<- *ha*). Last week robbed my SES of our rightful TTT-shots against DX. So I’m here to find whatever passes as an authority thing here…(he then does whats on the next picture, finger over belt)…to get what we deserve”
Miz: “Yeah, I don’t think so”
Punk: “I think so”
*swoon* Is it getting warmer in here? *he*
Miz: “See, that’s exactly what we want and besides, you’re not even on this show (<- on what show? The Big Show? ewww)
Show with the insult of the century here(directed at Luke): ” You give bald people a bad name”
Shattner walks in and wants to help, cause he is the:
*ha*
WS: “What seems to be the problem?”
Punk: “Well the problem is this…over here”
WS: “I see ya’” (WS was still facing Miz)
Punk: “Problem is we deserve a TTT-shot against DX. So we just came to collect. You’re in charge, give us what we want”
WS: “I see, I see, now what about you?”
Miz: “Listen, they’re not even on RAW (<- like WWE cares about that), so if anyone deserves a title match against DX, on RAW, it’s Big Show and myself”
WS: “Dilemma”
Show: “What d’ya gonna do about it?”
Believe me, all this is much more fun in pictures, even more in video *ha*
WS: “I do what I do best, make a deal (<- “Boston Legal” reference). Next week, Monday Night Raw, Triple Threat, you two against you two against DX. Triple Threat Match, winner gets the Tag Title. Absolutely, I just speak the language of the Dealer (<- did I hear that right? *ha*)”
He then does the “Freeze Frame” – bit. You should really watch this on video yourself *lo* here’s how it went though (WS is so quirky):
Obviously none of them had ever heard of he concept and they all left the room, leaving Shattner to himself., mumbling “freeze frame, guys”
Man, there’s a lot of talking on this week’s RAW.
Hunter and Shawn again and H³ is trying to cheer HBK up, telling him that he did his best, just didn’t work, was not ment to be. He goes on pleasing HBK to get over this, move on, not the end of the world, he’s Mr. WrestleMania
and doesn’t need the Undertaker, since there’s plenty of other guys to compete with at WM.
HBK: “Not for me” -> walks away and Hunter looks a bit worried.
I guess DX aint breaking up just yet huh? Take that dirt sheets (all reported that DX will break up at Rumble)!
Final Elimination Chamber Qualification Match
Kofi Kingston vs Big Show
Guess Show has a new shirt too now, since he’s wearing it. Not much more creative then The Miz’.
Speaking of “his awesomeness”, guess who’s our guest commentator for this? Yep!
The match itself is alright, not great but I’ve seen worse. It is pretty short though. The Miz gets up to make fun of Kofi, who’s laying outside the ring. MVP runs in (from crowd) and chases him off (and out *meh*).
MVP and Miz feud is still on? I was hoping for Miz to move on to better things now.
Show accidentally knocks out the referee and gets DQ’ed for it, he rambles on about how he didn’t mean it , it was an accident and how he didn’t do it on purpose. Though shit!
Personally, I’m just glad he’s not in the EC.
Here’s something I paid way more attention to during that match, the many faces of The Miz:
Notice the pattern here? It’s “retarded-look” vs “cute/hot” *lol*
As much as I wanted Kofi to win clean, I kinda figured he wouldn’t. Remember, the “big” guys never lose.
Jerry Lawler is standing in the middle of the ring now, introducing our guest host, William Shattner, his “BFF” (<- *ha* Dork!).
The accessories, I mean Bellas walk him to the ring, he “accidentally” stumbles over the 2nd rope and him and Jerry hit the floor. A few “I’m ok”‘s later, we can finally get on with the program.
He introduces Bret Hart with all the catchphrases possible and Bret’s new and very weird mixed music hits.
I am glad that he’s wearing actual pants this time.
His speech went a little something like this: He thought about it for a month, he came here that night to make peace, after 12 years, everybody warned him, he was naïve, wanted to put it all behind him once and for all, he was wrong. He’s not here to make peace now, he’s here o see Vince, face to face.
“So Vince, if you’re about there, you better get your ass out here” (<- yes, he said ASS *ha* 3 times during this entire promo. Attitude Baby!)
He adds how he doesn’t like to wait and sooner or later Vince “dances” his was down to the ring.
Vince has no regrets about anything he ever did or said to Bret.
Hart: “Con gratulation Vince, that’s the first honest thing you ever said to me. Vince McMahon, you’re a liar”
He talks about Vinnie being a father to him and how “You couldnt lace my fathers jockstrap”. (<- thanks for the image *ugh*)
He says he knows all about pathetic (because that’s what Cena described Vince as last week), cause 8 years ago, when he was in a wheelchair and slowly got past it, he felt pathetic, crying, but he got out and promised himself never to feel pathetic again for the rest of his life.
Vince made him feel pathetic though, 4 weeks ago and “I got a problem with that” (<- obviously).
Bret gave him 14 years, 300 days a year on the road and hoped “Someday, Vince will appreciate it” and “Boy was I wrong” You didn’t appreciate anything. Took me 20 years to build a reputation, took you 3 minutes to tear it all down”.
He talks about McMahon comparing him to chewing gum that has lost it’s flavour (<- flav?), “This chewing gum’s got just enough flavour in it ti kick your ASS right here, right now”.
Now it’s Vinnie’s turn: “There he is folks, Bret Hart” he repeats all the catchphrases that I was already sick off when Bret was still active and then: “What a crock (<- not cock!). Canadian Hero? That makes me wrench”
Bret: “Are you finished?”
Vince: “You’re not a hero to anyone”
Bret: “Are you finished?”
Vince: “Never understood, never will get what these people see in you (<- welcome to my world there Vinnie). I think you are pathetic. You have absolutely zero personality (<- s’ what I used to say, but was anybody listening? NO *ha*). If it wasn’t for your opponents with personality (names HBK, Mr.Perfect and Stone Cold)you would be a little footnote, maybe in the middle of a card somewhere (<- TNA?).
Come on Bret, look at you. YOu have no charisma (<- I said that years ago as well!) you have no command over the english language, you got that hounddog-looking face (yep, he makes that face right now), you got that stringy, crappy hair (>- *ha*) assuming thats your’s. Look at the way you dress, like a hobo (<- Stylist: CM Punk)”
Bret: “Are you finished?”
Vince: “No! What you don’t seem to understand, even though deep down you know, you deserves to be screwed (*argh* and *eww*). There’s one more thing I wanna say”. He mentions how last time he suggested Stu Hart might be introduced into the “Hall of Fame”, but now says it wont happen, because “He doesn’t deserve it!”
Bret slaps Vince and starts pounding on him, with the weakest fake punches I’ve ever seen. When he attempts putting Vince in the “Sharpshooter”, Batista runs in and does the same weak pounding, but this time, Hart is on the deserving end of them.
Batista holds Bret, who is on his knees now and Vince yells at him a bunch of stuff. The crowd chants “Cena”. McMahon kicks Bret, more Cena chants and RAW goes off air.
I learned 2 things tonight:
1: If ya’ can’t do it anymore, then DON’T! (<- Bret Hart’s beat-up-scenes)
2. Jericho writes in his first book how “Brother” is the most overused word in Wrestling. I say “Epic” is a close second and now, we have a 3rd one to add: Pathetic! Look at that Hart-promo again and drink a shot of Tequila for every time he (or Vince) said pathetic, I dare ya’ *lol*
I’d like to close this with a video that shows Mr.Shattner singing (more spoken words of course) WWE-Themes. Because it is funny and it shows you just how “fun” he can be.
Shattner is a Legend of course, but I am kinda glad we only saw him 3 short times *lol*
ECW
I must have died and gone to mic-work-heaven *ha* Edge = fantastic promo, Christian here in ECW, Jericho & Edge soon, Punk, Bret Hart using profanity!
Yep, pretty good week here.
I hate this so much! I wonder how much Atlas get’s paid for this crap? You guessed it, ECW starts with the “Abraham Washington Show”. Much to my relief, Christian will be his guest tonight *yay*
Man, I adore Christian *mmh*!
Here’s the most important parts:
Christian: “…and I am looking forward to challenges that come in the future”
Zack Ryder’s (awful) music.
ZR: “..who cares about your victory, or how long you’ve been the Champion or any of that (<- *raises hand* ME), let’s talk about some real news ok…the news that everyone is afraid to talk about (<- You mean the fact that your pants are HIDEOS?), well, except for me because I’m a man of principle. But the real news this week, is this” – HurricaneHelms’ mugshot shows up on big screen.
Abe: “Oh snap!”
ZR: “Yeah. You know, here’s some guy, running around here, claiming to be some sort of Superhero and what does he go out and do? Get’s in a drunken brawl like these posers in Jersey Shore (<- american Tv-Show, dont bother *ha*). What a great role model, what a great way to represent ECW. Stand back, there’S a criminal coming through! (<- I lol’ed) That’s why I want all of you to finally, refer to me as the Heart & Soul Superhero of ECW.
Christian: “Zack do you, do you actually have a problem with what Helms did? Are you just jealous of the fact that he did something that you’ve always wanted to do but never have? Made it on TMZ. Actually, actually maybe it’s more like this: You’re jealous of Helms because your both on Television, but he actually get’s recognized.
ZR: “Yo, I was in the Royal Rumble, ok!
Christian: “I’m sorry, I blinked I must have missed that”
ZR: “Wow, you’re hilarious bro (yep, sure is), but seriously, you’re the Champ around here, you don’t have a problem for him to go out and disgrace you like that, disgracing all of us?”
Christian: “Look, Helms made a mistake alright, everybody makes mistakes. Everybody does.”
“Abe: “Everybody makes mistakes”
Christian: “For example our GM Tiffany, she made a mistake when she gave Abe here his own Talk-Show! Look, I made a mistake when I agreed to be on Abe’s Talk-Show. And you might not wanna here this, but, you make mistakes too. I mean you got up this morning, you looked in the mirror and you thoughts to yourself ‘Yeah, my hair looks really cool’. But the biggest and most obvious mistake, and I think all my Peeps right here in Memphis/TN (<- cheap pop) will agree with me, the biggest mistake that you made is when you hooked up with Tila Tequila over here!”
Some pushing around and with that, Abe’s time is up.
All the bright ass colours and bad clothes in the world can not distract me from looking at the right side of this picture.
Next was a decent match, Shelton Benjamin vs Vance Archer and after that, the dreaded “Raw rebound” came on, being really…REALLY dramatic (much).
A SmackDown plug promising us we’ll get to see what happened after RAW went off air is shown, before on of these “Did you know”- things. Why I am telling you this? Because I wanted to let you know how annoying I fine them *meh*
Tatsu‘s music matches him perfect and kinda makes me smile every time, s’ weird *ha*
The “cardiac Kid” (<- not my idea) is facing Barreta, pretty good Match that Tatsu won.
Commentators (esp the not “whatshisface”-one) made me giggle some.
Vince McMahon comes out and tells us that ECW will be no more. In 3 weeks something newwill be shown on Tuesdays (now known as “NXT”).
Why he had to come himself to deliver that boring and short speech is beyond me, but then again, many things in WWE are.
Gregory Helms is in ring to interview Jackson and Regal.
Regal: “Is had been a very trying week for you hasn’t it?”
Helms: “Yes it has, but imma get over it. I’m just here to do my job.”
Regal: “That’s very noble of you, but unfortunately, it’s about to get worse!”
Regal rules! But so does Helms of course *ha*
They start beating Helms up until Christian runs in to help the fallen SUperhero (<- like the dramatics? *he*).
Christian vs Zack Ryder (non-Title-match)
Personally, I thought Rosa looked ridiculous in that white dress.
Christian is looking skinnier than ever,almost to a point where I start to worry. Zack’s skinny too, put you can hardly tell, because these pants are just to distracting.
The match wasn’t bad, but it did feature some “botches” here and there, including 2 horrible looking dropkicks by Christian.
Jackson and Regal run in and start beating up Christian. Surprisingly, Helms does not come out to help him. Weird booking or strategy? Only time will tell…
SmackDown or as I like to call it, “Wasted Opportunities”
I should warn yo now, there was A LOT of talking on SD and I will script a lot of it, so this might be a bit much for ya’ *ha*
Chris Jericho looks so damn good in a suit, man! And that’s coming from a girl that usually prefers her man a little more “Rock’N'Roll” *ha*
Jericho does not look happy and has something to say:
“Please, please, please. Tonight was supposed to be my night. I should be standing here victorious and triumphant, I should be standing here the 2010 Royal Rumble winner, but I am not. That honour was taken away from me this past Sunday and as a result, the ME of WM 26 was taken away from me as well. I have been preparing for that ME ever since I beat 4 men in the same night at WM 25. And I have been carefully constructing my return to the ME, carefully, meticulously structuring every detail for the past 10 month (<- Really? From over here it looked like you were kinda busy with the Big Show and leaving RAW for good), and yet Sunday in 10 seconds that was taken away from me by one man, Edge! *crowd cheers* But Edge, was entered into the RR under false pretenses, Edge returned unannounced (<- right, just ask the whole internet if they didn’t know huh? *ha*), and more importantly, Edge allows himself to be crowned the winner of the RR, even though he didn’t deserve it. Because I deserved it, Chris Jericho deserved it. While Edge was at home, rehabing a torn Achilles tendon for 7 month, I have been carying this entire company on my back (<- tru dat!). I have been filling arenas, winning Championships, cueing accomplishments every single night. And now just because Edge is back for 5 minutes that’s all everyone can talk about ‘Edge is back. Have you seen that Edge came back. Have you seen Edge eliminate Jericho from the Rumble’, basking in the glory of Edge, cheering for Edge!
But what you fail to remember is Edge is a con-artist, just like all of you (<- LAMEST crowd-insult ever!). Edge is the same man who has no heart, no passion, no fire. He’s the man that was selfish and had the audacity to walk out on me when we were Tag-Team-Champions, to leave me on my own, to leave me stranded by myself, and now Edge is going to the ME of WM and I have nothing. NOTHING! I HAVE NOTHING! And I am to good to settle for nothing. I am Chris Jericho and I don’t settle for nothing. And now Teddy Long tells me that I have to qualify to be in the EC tonight. Chris Jericho qualifies for nothing and Teddy Long, I want you to come out here right now (<- I sure don’t *meh*) and rectify this situation. I want repercussions against Edge, I want you to make this right for me, because I am the face of SD and everybody in this arena and back there, knows it’s the truth. Teddy Long I want you out here right now!
Long, I want you to come out here right now! I’m not gonna say it again (<- *ha*)! Alright, I come back and see you then.”
Jericho walks backstage, he’s pissed, yelling at random bystanders, until he finds Long’s office and storms in.
CJ: “Where’s Teddy Long, where’s Teddy Long?”
He slaps the paper out of some guys hand that’s sitting in Teddy’s chair and reveals: Edge!
Is it me or has Edge gotten significantly hotter since his return? I mean, he looked very hot on RAW and even hotter now on SD – how’s that possible? If he goes on like that, my Tv/Computer might explode soon. Hot damn *lol*
(wish I had a pic of him and Jericho for ya’, but all the screen-caps looked crap *ha*)
Edge: “What’s the matter Chris? You seen a ghost? Ah, I’ve seen that look before. That’s right, I saw it after I eliminated you at the RR. But see here’s the thing Chris, you’re the reason that I am back here, you’re the one that lit the fire under me to work every second of every day to get back here. Thank you Chris, thank you, because you, created a monster!”
CJ: “Well if I created the monster Edge, then I can slay it! You’re gonna regret that you ever came back!”
Edge: “NO, no Chris, no! You, you will regret that I came back! But tonight, tonight I wanna celebrate. Tonight I’m gonna bring back my show, ‘The cutting edge’, and I’m gonna have as my guest a guy, a guy that I can face at WM, he’s an old acquaintance of mine, the WHC, the Undertaker!”
CJ: “Well Con Gratulations Edge, you know I’ll be watching.”
This was all a bit to serious for my taste, but more on that later!
We get to see a video of “Graceland” now,since we are in Memphis and all.
Todd: “A whole lotta shakin’ goin’ on”
Matt: “That’s Jarry Lee Lewis”
Todd: “s’all the same” <- Troll!
Triple Threat Elimination Chamber Qualification Match (<- what’s with all those long names lately? *hmpf*) Drew McIntyre vs John Morrison vs Kane
I am so sick and tired! Tired, tired, tired (<- Chris Rock reference) of Drew vs JoMo in whatever constellation. Enough already!
And Kane? WTH? While watching it, I came up with this:
Guy1: Hey, we still need something to do for Kane?
Guy2: Yeah right, How about we randomly throw him in that Match with the long name, making the name even longer?
Guy1: Good idea, since we don’t know what else to do with him.
Guy2: Exactly! And he won’t win it anyway, as we all know
Guy1: Coll! At least we won’t have another Drew vs JoMo one on one right.?
Guy2: Very good, let’s do that.
Business as usual *rolls eyes*
Anyway, Striker calls the EC a “circular steel structure (<- really Matt? REALLY?), Kane’s usually great dropkick looked even worse then Christian’s did on ECW, JoMo jumps about as usual, match aint bad and Morrison pins Kane for the win!
Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match
R-Truth vs Mike Knox
You all know by now that Knox amuses me occasionally, but this match was totally unneccessary and lame.
R-Truth won (<- another surprise in that long list of surprises) and is therefore in the EC match (<- WHY WWE? WHY?).
We get to see yet another Raw-recap featuring Bret & Vince *ugh* I have a feeling that ever since Hart returned there has been even more of those pain-in-the-ass-recaps.
This one also shows us the “Exclusive never before seen footage from Raw, after it went off air”, with some very overly dramatic music in the background *ha*
Cena came to Bret’s rescue, him and Batista fought, there was some “steel” involved and I smell a match fro WrestleMania (or at EC already, but I doubt):
John Cena (with Bret Hart) vs Batista (with Vince McMahon)
Mark my words!
BTW: I am glad Batista has been moved to SmackDown a few weeks ago *pffft*. Raises the old question: Why have a draft and split rosters if you won’t give a fuck about it anyway?
Also, I so don’t wanna see a match with those 2 *meh*
Moving on the cuddlier things, we are now in the locker room with Punk/Luke/Serena.
Much to my astonishment they are not engaged in any touching and groping (Yet!).
Punk: “You both realize that without me, there is no you right? Without your leader, there’s no SES.
I say this cause tonight I step into the ring with Batista. You saw what he did to Bret Hart, to John Cena. Batista had that in his heart to do to me.
He wants to end my crusade. So while so far, I’ve protected you as you followed in my footsteps, tonight, I need you to know what you’re willing to do to protect your saviour.
Serena: “I’d do anything for you!”
Luke: ” blablabla…head in fire…blablabla”
Punk: “Good, good, cause tonight, the both of you might have to”
During the last parts of this, Luke was getting his grove on with Punk’s back as usual. The “Bromance” lives on!!!
Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match
CM Punk vs Batista
I was so looking forward to seeing Batista in the ring, so you imagine my disappointment when he decided to just stand outside and get counted out (<- major sarcasm).
Guess he does not want to be in the EC *aww*
I was giggling, cause Punk counted along with the refere and was all giddy *ha* Cute!
After his big win, there of course had to be a celebration:
Yep, more groping and this time, he touched Punk’s ass…a lot!
I am very gutted to tell you this, but Striker was awfully quite during all this. I think he might have given up on Punk altogether. Leaving the “Battlefield of Love” defeated, letting Luke get his way, no more fighting for his one and only true love.
Poor Matt!
Matt Hardy meets Maria backstage and they plug “Celebrity Apprentice” a bit.
Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match
Matt Hardy vs (very pretty) Chris Jericho
The match was pretty decent, but more importantly: Jericho won CLEAN (with the codebreaker)! I didn’t think I’d live to see the day. WTG WWE!
Funny how Hardy, can’t even win against the “highest paid jobber” huh? Just kidding…
Strikerism: Wrestlemania is not just a show, Wrestlemania is an experience! (<- and you know that how? Oh yeah, yo did have ONE WM match, at WM 23, an ECW match, and you lost too).
Mickie James come in and starts a promo.
Todd: She just came over and pointed at you, maybe she heard what you’ve been saying on commentary
Matt: Could be my new [insert brand name] cologne
Beth joins her at some point and they kinda trash-talk for a bit, until “EXCUSE ME”, Vickie G. graces us with her presence *ugh*
She wants to see a fight and we have to watch it too (<- Well gee, thanks Vickie):
Beth Phoenix/Mickie James vs Michelle McCool/Layla
Beth knocks out Mickie, then Michelle too and walks away. Layla tags in, roll-up and win for Mickie!
Not that I wanna see any of this, but nice progress for the storyline here.
BTW: Michelle and Layla were wearing “Team Flawless” hoodies – way to steal from your own shit WWE -> priceless!
Strikerism: The 21st century femme fatale (<- Beth Phoenix)
Next is “Word up” with CrymeTyme and today’s word is “King”. After a lame promo and then some, Jerry Lawler joins (<- because he’s the King and all)and in the end, one of the CT-dudes says: “Let’s go see some puppies” (<- attitude *ha*)
Final Elimination Chamber Qualifying Match
Rey Mysterio vs Dolph Ziggler
I was already wondering if Ziggler was ever gonna appear on SmackDown again *hmpf*
Putting the “boo” in “booyaka”, Rey wins this one, after a really good match *meh*
What’s with the “orange look” here Dolph? Damn!
The moment we have all been waiting for has arrived: The cutting Edge
I don’t know about you, but I still have no idea what they’re gonna do with Edge – Face? Tweener? I doubt he’s staying Heel, but who knows. So far, he’s being “nice”…oh well.
Edge talk about how it’s good to be back, back on SD, back home, after he tore his Achilles tendon in July, how all that pain was worth it, to get back here for this moment, back month earlier than expected.
“Cause of it, I am now on the road to the ME of WM. I could face my guest, The Undertaker or I could face Sheamus (<- or any other guy in that EC *duh*)”
He wants to take a look back at some video footage of how getting in Edge’s face turned out for Sheamus and his “frosted lucky charms”.
We see the video from last monday and then Edge says:
“Gotta admit that was fun”
Jericho’s music hits, he walks to the ring, dramatic gesture chair throwing from him, then Edge too.
Jericho: ” You wanna talk about fun, talk about how it’s great to be back, like you been waiting for this moment? Well I was waiting for the moment to be in the ME of WM and you took that away from me and I am not gonna let you stand out here and bask in the glory of your tainted victory. You didn’t deserve to win, I deserved to win!” (<- gotta love how he’s blaming everybody but himself *lol*)
Edge: ” You know what, I tell you why you didn’t deserve to win Chris, one big reason why, because I threw you over the top rope and I eliminated you at the RR”
Jericho: “You think you’re better than me huh? (<- and so does Punk *ha*) You think after you orchestrated a sneak attack against me…let me remind you, I am the face of SD”
Edge: “No, no, no see, you’re not the face of SD Chris, you’re not anymore and it’s your own fault. You see, you want to take something that was possibly a career-ending-injury, something that could take away what I have done my entire adult life, what I dreamed about doing when I was a Kid. You wanna take that and make that a pun´chline? Well Chris, I wanna make you eat those words, I wanna make you chew on them. Cause for the last 6 month, I had to sit and watch you come out on Tv and I am sick and tired of hearing you say that you’re the best in the world at what you do. I am sick of your cheap little suits and I am sick of that stupid look you got plastered all over your face all the time!
As a matter of fact Chris, I am just sick of your face altogether” (<- I sure am not *ha*)
All this talk about pretty man’s face makes Punk wanna share his 2 cents with us too, which makes “fangirl-me” jump for joy. 3 of my favourites n one ring, I think I might faint *ha*
He slowly walk down the ramp towards the ring, followed by his lackey’s.
Punk: “Aww, you two, you two. You know, you almost look beautiful (<- what does he mean ALMOST? tsk tsk) up there, showing your tragic flaws for all the world to see.”
The crowd starts chanting “you suck” and Punk feels the need to correct them: “Ladies and Gentleman, I am better than everybody, I do not suck” (<- Good for you! Glad to hear that you are the more dominant part in the relationship with Luke *ha*)
“You two look like 2 pill-popping, tweaking junkies arguing over who’s gonna get that last fix. But you’re missing the big picture. It’s not about you two egomaniacs (<- for me it kinda is *ha*), it’s about the EC, it’S about the Undertaker. See, and when you talk about the Undertaker, you talk about spotlight (<- I can never hear that word anymore without thinking of Nash’s funny promo back with NWO *lol* Go look at it yourself and you’ll know what I mean!) and who outta the 3 of us has had a bigger, more glamorous spotlight against the Undertaker than myself, the Saviour of WWE (<- sidenote: the camera is now showing Jericho, who looks a bit “irritated” *ha* love it).
Edge, while you were on vacation, I’m sure you saw it, but I became the 1st superstar in history to make the UT tap out (<- SN: Punk has now finally reached the ring). Thats something you have never done, something you never will and certainly nothing Chris Jericho could ever aspire to do either.
I also became the first man brave enough to look the WWE universe in the face, make them look in the mirror and challenge them, to live one nation under Punk (<- *ha* so over-acted, I’m loving it), indivisible, with integrity and sobriety for all”.
(More massaging took place too of course)
See, THIS, would have been the perfect moment to show Jericho’s mug shot and all that jazz, BUT: wasted opportunities *ha*
I don’t want Punk to feud with Jericho, not until I’ve seen the Jericho/Edge feud at least, but man, this could have been fun!
No idea why they didn’t do it, maybe Jericho himself didn’t want it – who knows *shrugs*
Yep, I deliberately painted over Luke Gallows in this *lol* I wanted my eye-candy without any disturbances damn it!
Now another thing happens that I am sick of: lights out, 2 “gong” and oh wow, the Undertaker’s standing in the middle of the ring and starts beating on PUKE *ugh* repetitious much?
Edge and Jericho get it on as well and in the end, only Edge and the Undertaker are left in the ring, ready to ambush one another.
But, before anything like that can happen, we go off air listening to Edge’s theme.
Like I have already written earlier, all this could have used a few more laughs and funny insults for my taste, but I was still happy. Overall a good week in WWE I’d say, not to mention a very HOT one as well!
Right, usually I ramble on some more, but I have already written the longest blog in history of my blogs, not to say the word-count is EPIC *lol* So enough for this week, here’s some more eye-candy for those who can’t get enough of it (like me *ha*):
Why epic edition? Because when I am done with this, the word-count is going to be epic *ha*
This blog will cover RAW, SmackDown, ECW, a movie-review and gossip.
Sidenote: I wanted to try to write a blog without nay negativity and/or ranting, only positive things (and loads of sarcasm *ha*), but with RAW being so damn lame this week and that movie-review, I couldn’t do it. So that little project is moved to another week. We’ll see what happens after the Rumble, cause I am positive about WWE getting better and having more SL’s after it – usually what happens every year.
But: I did try to be a little nicer at least *hehe*
RAW 01-25-10
“Dude, I’m psyched!”
(^^^ “How I met your mother” quote that I found fitting considering this week’s guest Host and the overall silliness)
It starts off with Dx, who are in the ring. Hunter is wondering: “Where’s the leprechaun?”
HBK: “He’s not here, I sent him home” <- *yay* I am eternally grateful!!!
Shawn’s wearing ”serious face” again…
…and asks H³ if it’s to much to ask, to let him end the Undertaker’s streak.
HHH: “Yes!”, the Rumble is important and he wants to be in the WrestleMania-Main Event, blabla.
HHH:”I know better than anybody how much you want the Undertaker!” <- Aww, how cute, HBK has a crush on Taker *ha*
He says that they can throw out the other 28 guys and get it on.
HBK: “I understand”
Dx vs Legacy
Didn’t those 4 just have a feud not to long ago? Why do we keep seeing the same damn matches over and over? *argh*
The Troll (<- Cole) hypes Dx’s match against CM Punk/Luke Gallows on SmackDown this Friday. From here on out I will refer to Punk/Luke as Puke *lol* ya’ know, like JeriShow and ShowMiz, just more disgusting.
The match is pretty good, HBK gets beat a lot, as usual. He “blind tags” towards the end, to build up more tension between him and Hunter, and after some “Sweet Chin Music” and other stuff, he covers Ted (<- I think) and DX wins another one.
Dx vs Puke gets hyped some more, before we see MVP coming down the ramp.
Sidenote: MVP in sports means “Most valuable Player”, why in the world did WWE have to give the Dude that horrible name blabla Porter? *hmmm*
MVP has a mic and starts dissing Miz (<- or should I say “starts to diZ The Miz *ha*). Also, MVP is “straight up ballin’ “.
The Miz wants to give us his 2 cents and comes out mocking MVP, talking about his time behind bars and such.
Miz: “And for some strange reason, they can’t stand me. I’m an Outsider (<- really? Which one? Hall or Nash?), I’m an outkast (<- Andre 3000 or Big Boi?). While you were taking mug shots (*hehe*), I was a Star in multiple reality Tv-shows.
While you were making license plates, I was becoming a bigger Celebrity than you or anyone in this building will ever be. Maybe that’s why everyone dislikes me?”
MVP says it’s because he’s a jackass (<- I liked Miz’ explanaition better) and that he isn’t a baller.
“You keep bringing up the time that I’ve spent away behind bars. Which consequently, is a place where you would be very popular (*lol*). As a matter of fact, you wouldn’t be disliked at all, you would have a lot of friends. You would have so many friends that they’d be fighting each other to be your ‘exclusive friend’.”
Miz: “Now you have jokes”
MVP: ” Which makes me wonder what kind of ‘relationship/friendship’ you and the Big Show actually have?”
The yell at each other some more until Miz states: “I would like nothing more than to have that title match right now!”
MVP: “Why don’t you?”
Miz: “Cause I have a friend that wants to make a statement tonight”
MV: “You have a friend?” <- he airquoted ”friend” (<- have I mentioned that I’d like to be The Miz’ ”friend” too *ha*)
Miz: “Enjoy your match with the Big Show. I will enjoy being the US-Champion, cause I’m the Miz and I’m awesome!”
MVP vs Big Show
In the typical WWE-way of building up a #1 Contender for the US-Campionship, MVP loses this match in under a minute *rolls eyes*
At least he thinks it’s funny:
Ted DiBiase and Cody Rhodes are in the locker room and they don’t look to happy. Cody is pacing dramatically. Before they get to elaborate, Orton comes in and talks about the tension between all 3 of them and how they’ll have to get it together, so he can be Champ again.
John Cena and Dulè Hill are also backstage somewhere (nowhere near the others, new room now) and start hyping “Psych”. After Cena leaves, The Miz shows up and Mr.Hill is not exactly excited to see him.
Miz: “I can’t believe Psych would waste their time having Cena on, when they could’ve had me”
Hill: “Well Miz, we wanted to have you, but Mr. McMahon…”
Miz: “Don’t you patronize me. I had to google your name to find out exactly who you are. I am more famous, so when I talk ,you listen”
Hill: “How about you listen!” ad then he says Miz will have a match tonight, facing an opponent of Hill’s choice. “This guys a joke” and out walks Dulè.
Maryse is walking to the ring, while Jerry Lawler telly us about his “I break for blondes” bumper sticker.
She starts holding a promo until Dulé pushes a wrong button and some pyro goes off, startling the french-canadian a bit. She calls him a loser and then yells at him in french <- have no idea what she said, since my french is almost non-existent).
Maryse vs Eve
Match is pretty awful, hard to watch. Maryse wins and I shall take this opportunity now to talk a little about our guest host:
I still hate the concept and Hill sure isn’t one of the biggest names to host RAW, but: He’s fun to watch – a natural so to say, so it actually wasn’t that bad! Good actor!
Moving on now: Vincent Kennedy McMahon gives us the honour and I can not be arsed to recap his speech *yawn*
The “We want Bret” chants start and WWE turns up the volume – again! Vince walks up to the audience and asks them why he should bring Bret back.
Personally, I liked the guy with the “Bring back Jeff” – sign a lot *ha*
Non of the peeps in the audience have anything interesting to say to him, so he’s walking back to the ring, saying Bret will never be back.
Round about that time, Cena’s music hits and I wonder: Will every freaking Superstar be involved in this at some point? Taker, HBK, HHH and now Cena. Who’s next? (<- Goldberg? *lol*)
John is kinda wondering what’ll happen once he is past his expiration date, tells Vince he will find him, in 2035, when McMahon is 90 years old and beat the fake teeth down his throat.
“You will invite Bret to Raw. He deserves a chance to confront you, face to face.”. A few Do-the-right-thing’s later, Vince say’s he will invite Bret to next week’s RAW.
Huh? So McMahon does what Cena tells him to do? Why? Weird…
He also tells Cena that he will face Sheamus later on (<- AGAIN! *hmpf*)
Sidenote: Next week will be hosted by William Shatner (<- Danny Krane!) ,who is Canadian just like Bret Hart is.
The Miz vs Kofi Kingston
Miz walks to the ring wearing his brand new shirt, which I think looks a bit cheap and not very creative, but at least he has his own shirt *ha*
Match is good, until for the sake of Kofi’s push, he get’s to roll up Miz for the win. At least they gave Miz the excuse of being distracted by MVP’s music and him coming in, otherwise this would have made him look even weaker than it already did.
In case you care, # 27 won more Rumble’s than any other.
Sidenote: Funny how MVP tries to dress “smart” too now and totally fails *ha*
We’re backstage again, this time with Dulè and Carlito. Dulè ”accidently creates” a match between Carlito and Kelly Kelly.
Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to the by far the most senseless segment of the evening.
Carlito vs Kelly Kelly
Santino interrupts before Kelly even made it to the ring, plug’s the “Best of Raw 2009″-Dvd a bit (<- my personal favourite DvD this year *sarcasm*). Santino will the Rumble (of course) and in runs Swagger, who beats him up a little (Carlito and Kelly are gone by now), throws him in the ring, just to throw him out over the top rope again.
He does his typical ”Kurt Angle”-push-up’s and I make the observation of the night: His penis is showing through that one-piece he’s wearing. A LOT!
Don’t worry, I’ll spare you the images for now
Cena and Hill backstage again, pimping out the new episodes of “Psych” some more. They call the other guy that was supposed to host with Hill but had to go to the hospital to have an appendix-surgery.
Alica Fox comes in and we get to see yet another silly segment.
Alicia Fox vs Gail Kim
Nothing good to say about that match (<- surprise eh?). I did my usual thing and made good use of the time wasted here:
Alicia lost, Gail won, Alicia slapped Dulè.
Sheamus vs John Cena
Wait, haven’t I seen this one before? Oh yeah, like almost ever week for the past month *ugh*
This is the main event of tonight and by now, you might know why I thought RAW was lame!
I can’t even make this blog sound remotely interesting, cause that whole RAW just wasn’t – sorry. Only good thing remains to be The Miz! Him being awesome has given me the chance to include many pictures of him *ha*
The match was alright. Orton ran in at the end, RKO’ed Sheamus, Cena gave him an “Attitude Adjustment” and with John as last man standing, we go off air.
The match did show a lot of my favourite fan this week though. The Lady in the red shirt, first row, yelling a lot *ha*
ECW 01-26-10
Hurricane + Hancock = Hurricock
(^^^ not my idea, courtesy of @tobiola_)
I only have a few things to say about ECW itself, which is why I will also use this space to talk about this some:
Oh my, gotta love how “the media” blows things out of proportion huh? I really don’t care what these guys did or didn’t do, I only want to address 2 things here:
1. How does their hair still look like that at 6 am, after a night of partying and drinking?
2. Sadly, this incident has consequences for one of them, the one being Hurricane Helms (<- come on, you didn’t expect WWE to punish Jericho now did ya’ ?). He’s no longer gonna be in the Royal Rumble match (and was also removed as “Superstar of the day” on wwe.com on the next day).
Now, we all knew he wasn’t gonna win the Rumble anyway, but I still would have liked to see him. Sad! Especially now that the woman he supposedly hit, said it was all play-fight and drunkenness.
It also amazes me that every “fan” and whoever else has something to say about this. Yeah, a few adults went out, had a few to many and acted dumb - burn them like witches NOW! *shakes head*
Only reason I care is a) cause Hurricane is out of Rumble and b) I hope to “God” that WWE comes to their (attitude-)senses and uses all this in the Straight-Edge-Society-Punk-Storyline *ha*
Even more hope so since I read that Punk bailed them out (<- don’t care if it’s true or not, it’s funny).
The fallen Hero and Jericho would match perfect (<- “save us” anybody *ha* There even was a crowd-sign on ECW, saying “Only Jericho saves us” *hehe*)
Plus, Christian was part of that Punk-rumour too (thanks for reminding me Babe), so this means 4 guys that are awesome on the mic and in the ring!
Storyline made in storyline-heaven! And it wouldn’t be the first time they’d use real events in SL’s.
Knowing WWE, of course that wont happen, but one can dream right?
ECW:
1. Matches were all good
2. Christian rules! Favourite quotes of the night: “After all, I am Christian” and “creepy, pale, white british Dudes” <- referring to Regal. He also quoted a part of the Bible, like S.L.Jackson did in Pulp Fiction, which happens to be my favourite movie. Loved it!
3. Jackson’s theme sucks almost as much as he does:
SmackDown 01-29-10
“Then I’d be the highest paid jobber in history!”
I’ll explain the title later, you’ll see
DX comes in (nope, you’re not watching RAW again *ha*) and in the crowd I see a “Jericho is God” – sign (yep).
Hunter tries to say something, but Rey Mysterio’s music hits. He addresses ”Just Shawn” because he’s kinda pissed that HBK disrespected him like that, thinking he wouldn’t beat the Undertaker anyway (<- I so wrote about that last week).
H³: “You come out here with a bunch of bass in your voice, looking for a fight. Unfortunately, Hornswoggle is not here this week, so run along” (Unfortunately? Nah man, thankfully! A whole week without ‘swoggle = awesome!)
Rey and HBK keep threatening each other some more, until hairy Bear-Punk and his followers show up.
In case you ever wondered about the random crap Punk writes on his wristbands, this week I was actually able to read at least what he had written on the left one (no clue about the right). It said:
Ok, that picture might not give it all away, but I couldn’t get a better one *ha* It read: “Chadball”
For all you Philistines out there, Chadball happens to be the a member of “New Found Glory”, who is currently ill, including hospital and surgery. Punk is a nice dude!
And WoW, I just noticed that the word philistine starts with ”phil” – as in Punk’s real name *lol* Sorry, brainfart…
CM: “Rey Mysterio you gotta be high on some sort of pharmaceutical substance” (<- Funny! Since Rey got busted with weed in his body, suspended not to long ago and he claimed it was prescribed *ha*).
“I just hear you say you watched RAW and you heard what Shawn had to say. Well please, try watching SD, cause you need to realize that tonight, the Straight Edge Society (<- *yay* for Stable!) becomes the 1st ever Straight Edge World Unified Tag Team Champions.
I came out here for a reason, I came out with a purpose. I’m here to lead my crusade and I brought my disciples, Luke Gallows and the beautiful Serena, with me”
Rey doesn’t even get to answer. WWE knows better (<- who would’ve guessed) and Hunter responds instead:
“Punk, I have been watching SD and I gotta say, while I am relieved to know that you’re straight, this whole I don’t drink-thing, I don’t think anybody really gives a crap, you know what I mean”
During the “glad you’re straight”- part, Striker started nervously giggling like a school-girl, probably cause he hopes it isn’t so *lol* Poor Matt.
CM: “You’re looking at 3 people who give a crap and don’t try to pretend you know anything about me, or you know anything about Straight Edge, or you know anything about…”
H³: “No no no, you’re right, I don’t know anything about it. I don’t get it Punk, that’s the thing, I don’t get it. I mean, you don’t drink, you don’t do drugs, you don’t smoke – Ok, neither do I, but then again, I don’t look like I’ve been in a week-long crack-binge with Amy Winehouse! I’m just sayin’ (<- *ha* he totally stole that one). Have a little pride man, pick yourself up, clean yourself up, maybe take them clippers out of the bag and shave that squirrel off you got on your chin”
Sidenote: Squirrel is one of my favourite words in the english language *ha*, besides “fuck” of course
Yep, pretty accurate description *ha* and man, gotta love google picture search.
H³: “Hey do yourself a favour, grab a shower, cause I don’t know if it’s you, lobotomy man or Britney Spears right there, but one of you gotta bad taste of swamp butt”
May I add that this was one of the funniest promos I’ve seen in a while! Hunter is so great on the mic when he wants to be. I laughed a lot.
I kinda missed my weekly dose of Punk-ism, since HHH made him look like a douche in that promo *lol*
CM: “Are you done? Is amateur comedy hour over? Because I came here to claim these Tag-titles” – he says while walking to the ring…but hold on…wait a minute there PLAYA’S (<- amazingly, he only said that once this time).
Teddy comes out *meh* and for the sake of entertainment changes everything. No TT-match, but HBK will face Rey later and next is:
HHH vs CM Punk
Striker said “Oh I’m ready I’m ready” at some point here, in a husky, raspy voice *ha* and talked about salvation and his Saviour a lot. Aww, man-crush galore.
Now, while I am happy to see this match and also the other one, I hate when they hype something like there’s no tomorrow and then don’t show it to me *hmpf* Maybe they read my blog *ha* where I said they shouldn’t give this TT-match away for free *damn*
The match is pretty good, no surprise there.
Striker: “CM Punk is here to save the masses”
Striker: “Serena is extremely attractive with that new haircut” (<- swinging both ways Matt eh)
Sooner or later, Serena attacks H³ and with her on his back, he’s trying to fight Luke of too. When Punk is back on his feet, it’s 3 against 1 and the crowd chants “HBK” – who of course runs out to save the day. Luke is out of the ring now and Punk is hiding behind Serena.
He kisses her on the cheek and bails.
Striker (about Serena): “How do you not get captivated by those eyes?” – aww, I think he was so hurt by that kiss, he’s now trying to act all casual and indifferent, pretending he likes Serena more anyway.
HBK acts like he’s gonna give Serena some “Sweet Chin Music” and she decides it’s better to leave now.
By the way, here’s my favourite picture of the night:
That look on Punk’s face! I’m not even gonna joke about this … s’ just to easy *lol*
Welcome to another episode of “Who get’s to beat Jericho this week?”
And your winner is:
Chris Jericho vs R-Truth
Jericho just might be the highest paid jobber in history and the highest ranking too! (<- Get the title now? It’s about Jericho, but in memory of Brian Pillman, who brought us this quote.).
Now, don’t get me wrong, I know why WWE likes using him to get guys over – it’s because Jericho is so over, it doesn’t matter if he loses or not, he will never lose his credibility with the fans.
So, while I do get that, it still doesn’t mean that he has to lose EVERY FUCKING WEEK! *argh*
I’m not even gonna start on the lack of storyline’s in all 3 brands now *ha*
While the match wasnt bad at all, the funnest things were brought to us by our favourite commentators. While R-Truth is making his entrance:
MS: “I can’t get this song out of my head”
TG: “That’s cause it’s playing right now”
Really Todd? REALLY? *lol*
MS: “I like ‘I drive it till the wheels fall off’ – that’s my favourite lyrics.
TG: “I pop ya’ like a pimple”
Mmh, doesnt “I pop ya’” mean “I shoot you”? Not exactly family friendly today are we Todd.
Those 2 are the whitest boys alive *ha*
Jericho’s looking extra hot today and the match ends when his codebreaker fails and RT wins with a roll-up *argh*
Oops, wrong picture
Batista gets interviewed backstage from “whatshisface”. He talks about how he’s going to win the Rumble, all out of his way, while I am still trying to get over what he’s wearing.
No DQ – match
John Morrison vs Drew McIntyre
John talks a bit first, but to be honest, I didn’t pay much attention. Same with the match.
Don’t get me wrong, those 2 have great matches and are both outstanding in their own way, but I am just sick of it. Sorry…
All I can tell you is, that Striker talked a lot of shit throughout that match.
Drew wins (<- huge surprise there).
This next segment…I have no words…nothing to add. Horrible and hideous do come to mind though.
Michelle Mc Cool trash-talks a lot, Layla comes out dressed in one of those fat-suits and was supposed to resemble Mickie James.
They have a “match” and Striker laughs and giggles his way through the thing (<- at least someone was entertained, but I am sure he’s the only one!)
He also says “You didn’t know that did you?” to Todd for like the 3rd time tonight.
And he said: “And before you ask, yes I have and I would again” <- couldnt tell ya’ what he was talking about – I blocked that whole silly bullshit out of my memory forever.
The crowd hated it all and so did I!
Oh yeah, some more of Striker’s wisdom: “Hey Todd, that match was phat, you know p h a t” <- whitest boy alive! So silly *ha*
HBK and Batista are backstage and Batista tells “Just Shawn” to stay out of his way at the Rumble.
HBK replies with my actual favourite line of the night: “You know Dave, I always thought you were overrated!” <- fuck yeah!
Hunter walks up, to make sure Batista doesn’t beat poor Shawn, who immediately leaves.
Staredown and we’re in for a treat with the main event now:
Rey Mysterio vs Shawn Michaels
Those 2 can have a better match on bad days, then Batista and the likes on their best day!
And yes, the match was very god, but I did think the end was a little *meh*
First, after the 619, Rey jumps through the entire ring, only to be met with some “SCM”. That was so foreseeable. I knew he was gonna get super-kicked the minute I saw how far away HBK was. Still looked great, but I prefer being stunned (<- not the Austin-way) *ha*
Striker yelled: “How awesome was that”
Then, before Michaels can cover Rey, Batista interferes, spears HBK, Rey gets a spinebuster and Hunter makes a “surprise-run-in” when his music hits (WTF?). He shows the Animal what a spinebuster really looks like *ha* and then they both go flying over the top rope.
HBK and Mysterio are laying about in the ring, we here that ”gong” and the lights go off. Mmh, wonder who that is?
Lights back on, Undertaker in the middle of the ring, looking down on the guys, before he picks them up by their necks.
Left, right, left, right, left, right, almost like he can’t decide and then chokeslam’s both.
Music and with the Undertaker eyes rolling to the back of his head – The End.
Good matches, Killer-promo by Hunter, Striker going wild – Could have been a hell lot worse right *hehe*
Of course I do hate how Jericho’s just waiting it all out at the moment *meh* but I am confident this will get better soon. Preferably with Edge’s return, which will hopefully take place at the Rumble.
Before I finally end this, I would like to share my thoughts on “Marine 2″ featuring Ted DiBiase Jr. with you.
First of all, I have no idea why this movie got rated “FSK 18″, which means you need to be an adult to watch it. Did I miss something? Oh well…
I am usually pretty good at checking my brain at the door when watching movies that probably have no use for them.
I sat through endless hours worth of trash in my life and I actually loved some of it – always depending on the trash-factor.
Examples: I kinda love “The Devils Rejects” a lot and thought “Zombieland” was genius (<- I know, so did a lot of other people, but not the critics per se).
Also, I dig action-movies and Quentin Tarantino/Kevin Smith are my “Gods”.
So mind you, I did try my best to like this movie, especially since it features a Wrestler.
First 20 minutes of it, I realized: “Nah, not gonna happen”. I can’t even begin to tell you how often in those 20 minutes I cringed *ha*, but the worst was when Ted and the chick playing his wife were rolling in the sand, being playful with each other. That scene did not only feature the probably “worst kissing in a movie 2009″, it also had some major “voice-over” (<- for lack of proper word) problems.
I get why it had to be done. They were in the waves and it was loud, so both of them had do go to a studio and say their lines again.
Now, this happens a lot I guess, BUT: When you say your lines again, shouldnt the sound-editor/mixer/whomever put them in sync with your mouth-movements?
I guess not, since I could see them still kissing, while they’re were chatting away.
It was all downhill from that point.
Bad acting (yep, Ted too), holes in the plot were bigger than Eric Bischoff’s and Hulk Hogan’s ego combined and have I told you about all these senseless explosions?
Whenever there was a “weapon” fired, something exploded somewhere. Also a thing that started in the first few minutes.
Everybody runs or gets captured, worst case shot, all while Ted is running about doing his thing.
I could go on and on about this, but I’d rather not.
The big end-fight sucked ass as well, but I do have one good thing to say: The man playing the Boss of the bad guys is a pretty good actor – seriously!
Considering it’s a “straight-to-DvD-B-movie”, I’d say it was ok – but I was almost offended by the lack of … well everything *lol*
Diverting? Yes. Fun to watch? Not really.
Do I regret watching it? Nah, I’ve seen way worse. Would I watch it again? Oh hell no!
Never seen the first “Marine”, with John Cena, but I guess it wasn’t much different than this.
Sidenote: Whenever Ted wasn’t talking, his acting wasn’t so bad – not sure that’s much of a compliment there, but it’s better than nothing.
Rating: 2,5 out of 10 tomatoes, that I would like to throw in the directors face.
(Highest rating, 10 tomatos, would be “Pulp Fiction btw)
And to all the people who have liked the movie: Please don’t feel offended, this is just my point of view and my taste and your taste in movies do not need to be alike in order for us to be cool!
Damn, I was about to say something rude and ruin that moment here, so I’ll guess I better stop now
I leave you with this, my favourite google-find this week:
P.s. Am I the only one who is stoked about the Royal Rumble? I mean, yes, the card does suck, but the Rumble itself is usually great. I love it!
This blog is not really for anybody to read, unless you feel like it *ha* I am putting this here so we have it somewhere “in writing”.
If you do care to join in, let me know and I will include your list here too.
Alright, my girls and me had the idea to write down our “Top 10 Wrestlers” in general and also our “Top 10 hot guys” (<- Hey, we are girls ya know).
In 3 years on this day, we will compare the lists with the ones we’ll make then.
Rules: Guys need to be active – not retired. It’s ok if they’re just on a break (<- Jeff Hardy). It does not matter what promotions (even Indies) they’re in. If you have more then 10, you can include an honourable mentions list at the bottom. I you have less, you need to think harder *ha*
All lists will be in no particular order.
@Sara_1979`s lists: Wrestlers in general:
Shawn Michaels
Chris Jericho
John Morrison
Jeff Hardy
Hurricane Helms
Ted DiBiase
Cody Rhodes
Evan Bourne
CM Punk
A.J.Styles
Hottest: Shawn Michaels (I bet he wont be there in 3 years,but he’s my all-time favourite)
Chris Jericho (no comment on that *lol*)
Triple H/Hunter (really love his smile)
Hurricane Helms
John Morrison
Ted (preferably Heel)
Evan (and i hope I´ll get more to see of him soon)
Punk
A.J.Styles (not that long,but he’s kinda sweet)
The Miz
@tobiola_`s lists
Wrestlers in general: Chris Jericho
Edge
Christian
Chavo Guerrero
Undertaker
Hurricane Helms
John Morrison
The Miz
Samoa Joe
Dolph Ziggler
Hottest: The Miz (in trunks)
Hurricane Helms
Chris Jericho
John Morrison
Christian
Edge
Jeff Hardy
Shannon Moore
Dolph Ziggler
Evan Bourne
and here’s mine:
Wrestlers in general: Chris Jericho
Shawn Michaels
The Miz
CM Punk
John Morrison
Dolph Ziggler
Edge
Jeff Hardy
Hurricane Helms
Samoa Joe
Honourable mentions: Steven Regal, Evan Bourne, Al Snow, Kevin Nash (yes, I know), Chris Hero, MCMG, AJ Styles, Kurt Angle, Jack Swagger, Stevie Richards, Croft & Barreta (<- maybe, don’t know yet), Shannon Moore, Chavo Guerrero, Undertaker, Kirby Mack and so on!
Hottest:
Chris Jericho (The whole package! And I don’t even like blondes usually)
The Miz (Don’t ask me why -> *swoons*)
CM Punk (fits my MO exactly *ha*)
John Morrison (I don’t think I need to explain this one)
Christian (that smirk…mmh)
Hurricane Helms (overall impression)
Dolph Ziggler (you wouldn’t understand anyway, so I wont even try to explain *hehe* – hate the hair though)
Jeff Hardy (a “thing” of beauty)
Shannon Moore (I blame it on that punk-rockish inked look)
Edge (can’t put my finger on it, but he has “it”)
Honourable mentions: Kevin Nash (one of my all-time-favourites – in all departments *he*), Ted DiBiase (if it wasnt for that farm-boy-way, he would have made that list), AJ Styles (no idea why), Dr. Stevie/Stevie Richards (always had a thing for him), MCMG (something about their rawness, don’t ask), Kirby Mack (kinda cute) and so on!
Ok, that’s it – can’t wait to compare these with the ones in 3 years *lol* It’ll be interesting to see who’s still around, who has retired for good, who isn’t really hot anymore or has been replaced with new guys
Right, so this is an “Entertainment”-blog and the only reason I only write about Wrestling all the time, is because I am too lazy to write about the tons of music I listen too, the thousands of movies/Tv-shows I watch.
However, from time to time, I will write about other entertaining stuff than WWE <- cause honestly, WWE isn’t all that entertaining most of the time anyway *ha*
Therefor, this SmackDown-blog (feat. a little ECW) will also feature my personal highlights, some possible low-lights and my favourites from this year’s Golden Globe Award show.
If you have no interest in reading any of this, feel free to skip ahead now, the SD blog will start down there somewhere *points down*
Nah, I’ll give ya’ a small hint, in the form of a half-naked man. Once you see him, (picture) you’ll know that you have now entered the World of professional Wrestling and no longer have to keep scrolling.
67th Golden Globes
Random thought: I have been a huge fan of Robert Downey Jr. ever since I first laid eyes on that man.
Not only is he a tremendous actor, he’s also smart, witty, funny and incredibly hot!
I wrote this on twitter already, but I have to quote myself here: He is a bit like wine – only getting better with age (and hotter)!
I think Rick Gervais did a nice job hosting, albeit not talking nearly enough. I love me some british humour and I also dig when a Host is not scarred to make inappropriate jokes about anybody and everybody in attendance (or not).
Example:
RG (taking a zip from his Beer): “Cheers. I’ve had a couple, I’m not gonna lie to you. I like a drink as much as the next man. Unless the next man is Mel Gibson.”
And then Mel Gibson steps out, who is a “recovering” alcoholic.
First presenter that stepped out was Nicole Kidman, who looked graceful as usual, BUT: Her nipples showed -> a lot!
Now, some might say I am developing a small obsession with nipples (I am looking at you @tobiola_ <- twitter, go check her out, she rocks), but that is so not the case. It aint my fault that all these people decide that it’s “the new black” or that certain Wrestlers have wardrobe malfunction’s. I simply observe *ha*
Plus, her’s were sticking out so much, you just HAD to notice. Really!
There were plenty of other women (and shockingly men too) who showed a little nipple, but her’s overshadowed them all.
Enough with the nipples now – or shall I say for now *hehe*
Monique gave a nice speech after winning “Best Actress in a supporting role Drama”, it felt genuine.
Actor Micheal C. Hall won “Best Actor” for his much praised role in “Dexter” (<- love it!) and people frantically applauded when he went on stage. My guess is they did that not only to praise him, but also to show support, since he has recently announced that he has cancer (curable).
Now, mind you, when talking about “Dexter” the word creepy might apply to lots of things, but to me, the most creepy thing was when I found out that he is married to the chick who plays his sister on said show *lol*
Nope, I didn’t know before he thanked her during his acceptance speech.
Happy he won, well deserved.
Christina Aguilera, I want you to take a close look at your partner in crime, Cher. This could very well be your future *ha*
Seriously, mimic, facial expression does not exist anymore. Cher’s boobs move more when she talks then her face does. Scary!
Meryl Streep is simply amazing. ‘Nuff said!
I hope she wins many more awards in the future, cause her speeches are never lame or meaningless. Very clever woman that one.
Drew Barrymore was a mess and so cute at it. It seemed like she really didn’t know what to say and she was shaking so badly…aww. Always liked her, she’s the type of girl that makes you wish you had her as a friend.
Gerald Butler is so damn hot! Don’t ask me why, maybe it’s his smirk (I have a thing for those). Breathtaking!
Jason Reitmann could have washed his hair!
I am not one to judge people by the clothes they wear. I couldn’t care less about fashion or personal appearance, BUT, that does not mean that one should just forget about personal hygiene. While the “unwashed hair”-LOOK can be sexy, it is gross when it’s actually not washed.
Christoph Waltz’s acceptance speech was very cute, while eloquent. He seemed beyond nervous, but still gave a better one than most.
Very happy he won. I don’t watch a lot of german movies or Tv-shows, but I have seen some of his work and he is truly a great actor.
Plus he totally upstaged/outplayed Brad Pitt in “Inglourious Basterds”!
Sandra Bullock’s shout out to her german family was fun to watch (<- Come on, I am german, so of course I’ll dig that).
I saw “The blind side” (<- movie she won her award for) and it is a very inspiring movie. Even more important is the fact that it’s a true story.
She was great in it and I do think she deserved that Globe, but an Oscar? Nah, maybe not!
There you have it, my favourite moment of the evening: Downey winning followed by his very nice acceptance speech *he*
The camera-crew appeared to be drunk throughout the night, which became even clearer when they showed Leonardo DiCaprio instead of Jeff Bridges *WTF?*
Jeff Bridges won for his role in “Crazy Heart”. I haven’t watched it yet, but saw many Trailers and while I am not a country-fan per se, the movie does look good so far.
And really, “the Dude abides”! There isn’t much that Jeff Bridges can do wrong after giving us one of the funnest characters and most important movies of the 90′s – The Big Lebowski!
Alright peeps, that’s a wrap!
I am done talking about the Globes and will now move on to wrestling.
Oh yeah, almost forgot I promised you a half-naked man. Here he is:
Ok, ok, I know he’s not half-naked but rather very much dressed, but I LOVE that picture so I don’t give a fuck *ha*
And really, whom else did you expect? Really…
Here is some selected thoughts I had while watching ECW this week:
1. So, since Regal is supporting Jackson and all, does that mean that all of a sudden he doesn’t want the title himself anymore? Huh? Nice writing *rolls eyes*
2. Christian vs Regal = AGAIN? Now, I love me some Bill & Sunshine, especially on the mic, but why do they must have a match every week (last week on Superstars)? Beyond me…
3. Kozlov vs Jackson feud just went woosh…away. Huh? (<- Sorry for repeating myself, but it does come to mind ya’ know). No finish for it? Not that I anticipated any of their matches. Matter of fact I am glad whenever neither of them is on period, but if you have a feud, you should end it properly right?
4. Santino replacing Abe Washington should have improved that lousy excuse of a show. Sadly, it didn’t! I couldn’t make myself sit through that entire segment, so I ff’ed. You have my respect forever, if you were actually able to watch the whole thing.
5. Seeing Kozlov in civvies felt weird
6. Zack Ryder “mic-skills” are almost non-existent
7. HurricaneHelms’ are, but he wasn’t allowed to talk *hmpf* But I am not complaining (<- actually I am, but who cares), at least he made an appearance, even though it was a very…very short one *sad face*
A little blast from the past:
SMACKDOWN
Word-count tells me I have written 1347 words so far and the actual blog hasn’t even started *lol* Nice!
SmackDwon starts with Batista and this has me wondering whether I am the only one who’d like to turn this back off now(?).
He walks in (no more pyro btw, guess he’s doing an image change), put’s an annoyed look on his face (looks like he’s asking “Why am I here?” and funny enough, I ask myself the same thing – featuring that same annoyed expression *ha*)
Batista vs Finlay
A match booked in bookers-heaven…NOT!
They beat on each other for a while, before Batista does some that gets him disqualified. Not that he cares, cause he just keeps beating up the “man who loves to fight” (<- Striker).
Back in the ring, some more beating for Finlay and then comes the horror: Batista gets a microphone!
He look sat his “opponent” and says “Imagine this 29 times”
He kicks him “This is Shawn Michaels”
He kicks him “This is Triple H”
He kicks him “This is John Cena”
(No SD roster names huh? tisk)
Batista will win the Royal Rumble!
“I’m gonna Main Event Wrestlemania” <- God help us all!
Now, I will do something that I probably won’t do again that soon, if ever. @Sara_1979 (<- twitter, go check her out as well, she is the nicest), this is for you, cause I know how much you love him and really, it’s totally cool.
CM Punk and Luke Gallows are next. They’re up on the ramp and Punk tell’s us all again that they’re the #1 Contenders *argh* for the Tag-Team-Titles, which they will try to win next Friday, on SD (<- sure, why have matches on PPV when you can give them away for free right? WTG WWE).
He speaks about honour, respect and dignity and in case ya didn’t know:
CM Punk will win the Royal Rumble!
WWE-universe is apparently full of losers and cowards and he “looks into a sea of depravity. I see you morally corrupt people rotting right before my very eyes”. He goes on about parents being bad parents for setting bad examples. We are the misguided, weak-minded majority.
“You suck” chants start and WWE turns up the volume (really!).
The “Saviour will take us to promise land”, cause he’s better than us, all of us *ha*
“I and only I can save each and every last one of you”
He looks up, raises his left hand dramatically, “If you pledge allegiance to my Straight Edge Society”.
He said all that while slowly making his way to the ring, followed by his lackey. He asks who wants be saved, who will it be “…that I will touch and make their life complete” (<- whats with the touching when those 2 are around?)
Here comes jobber-girl (Serena Debb from FCW), acting like she is a fan, running towards Punk, while Luke is yelling at security to do their job (<- yeah, guys, save the 2 Wrestlers from that small girl). She keeps screaming “I need you” and let me just say this.: That girl did a pretty good job throughout the entire segment. Some neat overacting and staying in character at all times. Good job Hon! Seriously!
She’s about to get guided out of the arena, but her Saviour comes to the rescue: “This young Lady needs me, I can tell (<- well she did say it like 10 times, duh). Let her go. This is on me, this is my responsibility”.
He wants his detoxified deciple (<- Striker, of course) to go get her. Mmh, I wonder if Gallows will touch and grope as much as he did/does with all them guys? I shall report back on that later.
Her name is Serena and she needs him (<- cutting short ok *lol*). She is an addict, but listen, she is sorry and wants to change. “I know” he said, while looking at her with benevolence eyes.
At this point, they almost make me wanna do this “Fremdschämen” <- yep, back to the german lessons, but only because this word is so much better than anything expressing the same in english.
It means: vicarious embarrassment – you know, feeling embarrassed for somebody else!
Punk keeps saying that “it’s ok” and going “sshhhh” <- kinda makes me shiver, although I can’t tell anymore if it’s my sheer obsession with him or if I am actually creeped out *lol*
“You’re among friends now. You used to be around enablers, who didn’t care about you, how I care about you”
He talks about how her steps to sobriety are a complete other thing than “…to draw an X on your fist and pledge allegiance, one nation under Punk, to the SES, to learn to live and love your life the way intended to be”
Dramatic much?
I am happy to report that only a little groping took place so far.
“I want you to raise your hand, I want you to touch the sky, I want you to be proud of who you are, but I want you to be more proud of who you’re about to become”
Serena: “I accept Straight Edge into my life, I accept Punk as my Saviour”
Let me take another moment here, to state the following: HOLY FUCK! This is so awesome. Not only did they make me laugh a lot, they also, especially Punk, do such a great job in mocking all those fake moronic Tv-preachers. I wonder how many tapes of this crap Punk has watched, to perfect his act.
He does an amazing job and if there would be an award for “best actor on a wrestling-show”, he surely deserves it. Very entertaining stuff going on here!
Striker has been quite until now, but when the head-shaving takes place (<- such a brave girl. I salute you) Matt’s undying love comes back to the surface: “The Pastor of purity” Love it!
Meanwhile, Punk looks like he’s about to have an orgasm while he shaving her head. I lol’ed.
More Mattism: “Look at her, she enlightening. She’s being cleansed, virginal (<- uhu), she’s euphoric”.
He then comments on Punk’s eyes intensity *ha* while I recognize that she has very nice, perfect teeth (<- Hey, at least it’s not nipples right).
Punk hugs her, his lips crashing on the side of her now bald head.
“It just happened to Serena and I want all of you sheep out there to know, that it can happen to you too” <- Sorry Love, bald doesn’t suit me at all.
He keeps hugging her, holding her close, while looking at the camera all psychoish.
BTW: They still leave out the promiscuous sex part – Man, I hate pg-rating!
BTW 2: How am I supposed to obsess over him being hot, when he still looks like Jesus/Santa Claus/Mike Knox? *meh*
Serena, before and after:
2 on 1 Match
Drew McIntyre & Chris Jericho vs John Morrison
All 3 men are in the ring and man, Jericho almost looks fat between those skinny beeotches (he really isn’t, just bigger than he used to be). Someone give JoMo a sandwich please.
BTW: A rant on mis-using Jericho will follow whenever I am done writing about that match *lol*
Teddy Long appears *ugh* and overrides Vickie’s decision, changing this whole ordeal into a Tag-Team-match.
I am happy to announce that he only said “Playa’s” twice today.
Tag-Team-match (surprisingly with no stipulations and for no apparent reason) Drew McIntyre/Chris Jericho vs John Morrison/R-Truth *hmpf*
During this match, the quote of the evening came up (formerly known as sentence of the night):
Todd (referring to R-Truth’s ”whats up” chants): What is up by the way Matt?
Now, as you can imagine, this had me laughing a lot. Punk had just left the arena and being aware of Matt’s man-crush, I can only imagine “whats up” *lol* Yep, ma mind’s a dirty one.
In reality, Matt answered saying: Right now John Morrison (who was climbing a corner at that point). My answer is so much better *he*
The match was really good I thought. Length (<- of match, get your mind out of the gutter I threw it into a moment ago) was good too.
Drew kicked JoMo’s face again at some point.
“Drew, I thought we had talked about this? Don’t make me come over there.”
Jericho walked up to Matt/Todd at some point, screaming at them (something along those lines): “See that, see how McIntyre manhandles Morrison? Thats a Champ! Tell ‘em that”
Matt: “Thats a Champ”
*lol*
Jericho also yells at the crowd: “Whats up”, while having JoMo in a headlock (or such) *ha*
R-Truth, when in the ring, does his usual little Cheerleader-routine and in the end, Jericho gets pinned (as usual, you could have guessed if you’re following WWE programm) and the unlikely Team of RT and JoMo wins.
Matt is as outraged as I am, calls it all a Travesty and mocks Todd a little *ha*
The Jericho-rant start here:
Man, they really have no idea what to do with him right now huh? It’s a crying shame. He’s there best horse in the stable so to speak, and yet he has to bs around with stuff like this (and losing too):
I understand they have him in waiting position before Edge returns (at least I hope thats whats up), but damn it, can’t they find something else to do for him for 2-3 more weeks? *argh*
It’s not like it would have to be a whole storyline, since nobody else has any (besides Punk with himself, but at least thats one, right?).
And he did not even get any mic-time *meh* Thank “God” he knows how to entertain without it too.
Alright, done now, more later *ha*
Next we see Michelle and Layla inside the squared circle (<- so cheesy, love it). I have taken an oath, vowed, made a pledge (*he*): I will never fast forward SD or RAW again!
That being said, I let the video keep on running, while I go to the bathroom *ha* Way to beat the system.
When I return, Maria is in the ring already (<- I really…really don’t like her at all) and they plug her being a contestant on “Celebrity Apprentice”.
Mickie James, who is the one being mocked here (they’re having a Bye Bye party with food in the ring, but apparently she aint leaving and we all know: When there’s food in the ring, someone will face it sooner or later).
Mickie praise all women, women unite and all that jazz. That’s cool though, at least the Divas have a storyline (<- how sad is that WWE?) and it’s a good message to little girls!
They start brawling, Beth comes out, sides with the Heel’s (still no turn huh?), Michelle yells “sweeeet” (<- you know, like them guys at TNA do, what’s their name again, The Band *ha*) before throwing cake in Mickie’s face and splashing punch over her. With a crying Mickie, we move on to better things…wait…did I say better things? *ugh*
Cryme Tyme vs Mike Knox/Charlie Haas (<- Huh?)
In case we’ve met, you know that Knox has a strangely amusing effect on me, but today, he doesn’t even get the chance to. The match lasts about 15 seconds before Kane comes out and throws everybody over the top rope. I guess that is his way of saying:
Kane will win the Royal Rumble!
Pyro and then, yet another, abso-fucking-lutly pointless match. What? Come on, let’s rewind:
We’ve seen 3 matches so far.
Batista vs Finlay = no storyline and only a try to sell evil Batista.
Drew/Chris vs RT/JoMo = only helped the Drew-JoMo sl a bit
CT vs Knox/Haas = pointless
Next is:
Great Khali/Matt Hardy vs Hart Dynasty
Huh? So where’s the point in that? Oh, I know, they have no idea what to do with all them people and that’s why they put them in nonsense matches, with nonsense partners, with no existing storyline really! Yeah, it makes sense…NOT!
Oh and in case you care, Matt Hardy makes the pin and win for his “Team”. Amazing: Hardy is allowed to pin someone? Clean? Oh wow – yeah, the Dirt-sheets must be right, he is so getting punished for his brother showing up at TNA *rolls eyes*
Anyways, so, you get my point right? So far this edition of SD has only “pushed” 2 storylines further:
1. Punk and his society
2. JoMo vs Drew
Everything else we saw was a huge clusterfuck of BS, that no one remotely cared about. Not to forget that 3 (!) out of them 4 matches ended early.
I willingly admit that the Jericho/JoMO/Drew/RT match was very good – but WTF? I say again ONE match in a 2 hour show???
I need to move one, my blood pressure is rising *lol*
They have been threatening us with this all night and here it comes: Rey Mysterio, mid-ring, wanting to call out the Undertaker.
I will not write about the mic-skills-King’s speech now. I sat through it, but I don’t want to relive it.
I did enjoy the Undertakers ”singing” voice, made it fun, for about a minute. The rest just made me tired *snores*
Here’s a play-by-play on how it ended:
Undertaker leaves, Rey calls him back, no reaction, music goes off, reaction, Taker turns around, Rey in ring attacked by Batista, Taker slowly walks back to ring, Batista leaves ring again, Taker on one side, him on the other, Batista runs away through audience, Taker rolls eyes to back of head, DONE!
Why does Batista still attack Rey every fucking week?
And what’s with the face vs face shit? (<- Rey and Undertaker)
I could rant on about this SmackDown forever. POINTLESS!
Jericho did “save us”, with a good match (just like the other 3 involved of course, but saving matches only for him *lol*), but our true SAVIOUR tonight was CM Punk. Without his segment, there would have been nothing left…nothing!
So, let’s strike a balance: 1 very good match and one very good promo – that’s it!
Notice how I said “I could rant on” -> means I wont *lol* Enough now, let’s forget about this:
Ok, ok, with Punk and that match, it wasn’t an EPIC fail, just a fail. But you know how I get when I am ranting – I exaggerate *lol* Pus the pic made me smile.
BTW: I bet you thought todays title didn’t mean anything, but if course it did:
It is the first “sentence” that Josh Homme sings in a song from the Queens of the Stone Age, called “Quick and to the pointless” <- get it? pointless? Eh, why do I waste my energy *lol*
But I also find it quite fitting, cause I am sure most Wrestlers asked themselves that same damn question when taping this.
This blog is not affiliated with WWE, TNA or any of the Artists, Musicians, Movies, Tv-Shows and/or whatever else I´ll write about.
It´s only purpose is to show my love for entertainment. It is in no way ment to offend anybody.
The images and videos used do not belong to me (Fair Use Act) unless stated otherwise.
